I am thinking about why some women embrace their scars from a mastectomy (removal of the whole breast) and others hate theirs.

For those who hate their scars — It is a reminder of cancer, surgery, the fragility of life; the loss of what was and what was there. It may all come together for them cancer, radiation, chemotherapy, and menopause (double/ triple whammy at times).

For those who love their scars — It is a reminder of how they fought cancer and lived to tell the tale; the joy of being alive and life; the evidence of the imperfections of life; maturity, coming of age, and wisdom (if they go into menopause as well).

How one views their scars depends on how much information, power, control, confidence, support they already had or received through the time. The breast cancer journey is not linear.

One cannot prepare for all the disasters of life. One cannot foretell what will happen in the near future. One cannot know for sure if cancer will return.

But we can control the way we choose to view life, cancer, scars. The mind is a powerful thing.

Those of us who are equipped to can only love and support. And those of us who are not equipped to can also only love and support — even if we don’t know exactly how. So I am sending love and support to all. May all be well.

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About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree — a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.