Reasons why you shouldn’t be offended by a prenup

Published on July 9, 2023

Written by Monica Borschel, PhD and Deveney Wells-Gibson

A prenuptial agreement before marriage can make someone feel secure or insecure. Understandably so. Prenuptial Agreements are still taboo, with most believing that Prenups are only for protection against divorce. Many believe that if one person wants a Prenup, they are already contemplating a divorce.

The person feeling insecure frequently might feel like they aren’t trusted or, as mentioned above, that the other person is already considering divorce before the marriage begins. The person who feels more secure with the signed prenup might be trying to save some of the heartaches of a possible divorce but also want to create boundaries, expectations, and standards surrounding finances. The person desiring a prenup may try to protect the marriage from the other person’s debts. Although a prenup can feel unromantic, it can save you emotionally, mentally, and financially in the long run. Let’s look at why prenups can feel so hurtful.


1) You need to be more trusted when asked to sign a prenup. Has your relationship been built on trust? Or is there mistrust in the relationship? Trust is a more significant issue than the prenup if there is mistrust regarding other matters. If there is trust in the relationship, a prenup is a way to discuss assets safely. If you and your partner trust each other, you can ask your partner why they would like you to sign a prenup. This is also an excellent opportunity to dive deeper into understanding your partner. Maybe they experienced past traumatic breakups or divorces. Perhaps they are trying to protect their kids from previous relationships. They may need to have a prenup to carry out their estate plan. A business owner or someone they’re receiving an inheritance from may request them to get a prenup. Maybe a prenup makes sense to your partner. Regardless of the reason, it is common for people to be nervous before they get married and want to ensure they are always protected.


2) You are worried that your partner is implying you will eventually get divorced. A prenup is a way for your partner to feel safer in case of a divorce. Some people think about the worst-case scenario and plan for that. Perhaps your partner has found the statistics of the probability of divorce and wants to ensure that you are both taken care of in case of divorce. Asking your partner why they want a prenup is better than assuming the worst. We aren’t mind readers. From a different perspective, your partner wants the prenup to ensure that you both remain in the marriage because you genuinely want to be in the marriage for love. Sometimes people stay in marriages for fear of change or how finances will be split. Having a prenup ensures both partners are in the marriage for the right reasons.


3) Prenups are not romantic. Relationships involve difficult conversations. Finances are a source of contention in many marriages, and disagreements on finances are a leading cause of divorce. A prenup offers you the opportunity to speak about your financial concerns. Talking about finances before marriage will give you an idea of what is important to you and your partner and can help set healthy expectations, standards, and boundaries so you both are on the same page before getting married.


4) My partner cares more about their assets than me. A prenup is something that you can negotiate, and you should! It should not be one-sided. If a prenup is one-sided and unfair, it likely will not be enforceable in court. If your prenup looks to be one-sided, be curious as to why that is. An attorney can help to draft and negotiate for you if you need clarification. Prenups affect you, and you have every right to make sure you are protected in the prenup. Prenups are a tool to help benefit you. Make sure you participate!


Dr Monica Borschel, Ph.D. Divorce and Trauma Recovery Coach

Monica is originally from Salt Lake City, Utah. She later moved to New York City, earning her master’s in clinical psychology from Columbia University. She then pursued her Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. Her training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.


Deveney Wells-Gibson is a Family Law Attorney in San Diego, CA

Deveney is highly focused on educating future spouses on the pros and cons of marriage. Although Deveney primarily focuses on divorces, she has been on a mission to help couples strengthen their marriages through prenups. Deveney runs her own successful law firm, Wells-Gibson Family Law, APC.


Category(s):Attachment Issues, Couple Counseling, Marital Counseling, Pre-Marital Counseling, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668