In case no one asked you today, are you okay?

Published on February 10, 2023

Overachieving and successful people often have their emotions overlooked because everyone assumes they are okay. This is because they are so put together, and everything looks perfect on the outside. However, you might not feel okay if you are a high-achieving person. Successful and happy people also experience stress and overwhelm. However, they might feel dismissed when they reach out to family and friends. People might say things to them like, “I never worry about you because you always figure it out.” Or “you will pull through; you always do.”

Caretakers or adults with the most significant emotional or mental load might also feel their needs don’t matter. Feeling this way can make you feel like no one sees or cares about you. People who feel stressed or low can only focus on themselves. They are too overwhelmed by their emotions or stresses to focus on yours.

So, if no one asked you today, are you okay? Just notice what happens in your body when I ask you that question. What emotions are you sitting in? Is there stress or worry that is bringing you down? What thoughts loop in your mind and keep you up at night? Are you feeling lonely? You might be surrounded by people but feel disconnected.

Let’s come up with a plan for you.

  1. Notice when you feel unseen. If you can be aware of when you feel neglected, you can let those around you know. Using Non-violent needs-based communication can put your feelings forward so that those around you are aware. Then, they will be more mindful of your feelings.
  2. Have boundariesBoundaries keep others from taking more than we are ready to give. When we provide more than we can or want, resentment builds.
  3. Do something kind for yourself every day. Every day, allow yourself some space to do whatever calms you, excites you, or makes you happy. For overachievers, this might look like a forced rest. Always being on the go and caretaking can lead to exhaustion and burnout.
  4. Practice self-compassion – Feeling overlooked and dismissed might lead you to feel like you are unloveable or unwanted. To counteract these thoughts, speak to yourself like someone you love.
  5. Who are the people that you want to care about you, and why? Are the people that you want to care about you able to love? Are they depressed or too stressed? Are they unable to love you the way that you want them to? If so, be curious why you need this person’s validation.

If you are struggling to find a listening ear, reach out. I would love to help you feel seen and heard. Call me at the MindnLife Clinic 2521 4668 or email

Category(s):Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Adjusting to Change / Life Transitions, Anxiety, Attachment Issues, Bereavement, Caregiver Issues / Stress, Mental Health in Asia, Stress Management

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668