The #1 Cause of Loneliness

Published on July 27, 2018

Rita was one confused teenager. After she got sexually molested in school, she won't talk with her mother or sisters.

She said, "My Mom can't handle it. What can my sisters do?" Even with her closest friends, she'd rather not talk about it.

Over time, the "secret" took its toll on Rita.

She became extremely lonely and isolated. Then, severely depressed and even having suicidal thoughts.

Loneliness, if prolonged, nearly always lead to depression. Or, other types of psychopathology.

Psychologist Sidney Jourard, a well known author and university professor of psychology, gives us a clue about the #1 cause of loneliness.

He cited that "to make oneself fully known to at least one significant human being" is a basic human need.

If that basic human need is blocked, stymied, or taken away, maladjustment results.

Maladjustment is often the struggle to avoid being known by another.

Rita got severely lonely not because she lacked family or contacts with friends and people.

But, she felt she had no one with whom she can truly "be herself" with little shame or self consciousness.

When a person has family and friends but no one with whom she is "truly her self," the loneliness produces withering.

It keeps one from keeping life moving along.

Psychotherapy is a natural anti-depressant and medicine for the lonely.

It gives one a "jump start." To arrest further development or escalation of loneliness and depression into dangerous levels.

It provides a struggling person a booster transitional context to truly "be himself."

To stay connected. To find his deepest core. To discover "new flow."

Until he is able to do it independently by himself.

To cure - internally and externally - the primary cause of his loneliness.

Category(s):Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Relationships & Marriage, Self-Care / Self Compassion

Written by:

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist

Dr. Angelo Subida is a clinical psychotherapist, author, and speaker. He is author of books "Inner Healing," "Secrets Of Your Self," "Chess and Life," among others, blogs, and articles. He has appeared frequently as an expert on psychotherapy/life recovery issues on national television, radio broadcasts, print media, and webcasts, including GMA 7, TV 5, ABS CBN 2, Q-11, 700 Club, Radyo Veritas, Inquirer Radio, Smart Parenting Magazine, Business Mirror, among others, and has served as resident therapist/counselor for parents and kid-artists in the highly popular ABS-CBN 2 Voice Kids TV singing reality show. Dr. Subida is an eclectic, multidisciplinary therapist and originator of his own revolutionary high-tech, high-touch counseling plus model. His areas of specialization include parent-child therapy, clinical infidelity treatment, relationship/marital counseling, separation/divorce therapy, anger management, depression, addictions, psychotherapy-spirituality integration, and innovative chess therapy. For more of Dr. Subida, you can find him at

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist belongs to Dr. Angelo O. Subida Psychotherapy Clinic in Philippines