Understanding What’s Happening After You Lose a Child

Published on July 7, 2014

When we lose a child, a dense cloud of emotions can enfold us as we enter into grief. No one enters grief in the same way or experiences emotions in a predictable fashion. But know that you are not alone as you try to make sense of what is happening to you and your family. What you are feeling and thinking is normal after the loss of your child.

Many of us have experienced sadness, loneliness, anger, hopelessness, frustration, anxiousness, numbness, rage, and even guilt to name a few. We may also tend to shy away from social activities or experience ambivalence toward day-to-day activities. There are some physical symptoms as well such as loss of appetite, lack of sleep, and lack of energy. You may experience difficulty seeing someone who is pregnant or be envious of someone who has a child.

You’ll hear this again and again and again because it is very important – be gentle with yourself. Make the necessary time to care for yourself emotionally and physically.

Make sure to reach out and find the right support to help you. Turn to the friends, family members, and support networks that are able to provide you with what you need. It can be helpful to freely say our child’s name or talk about your memorial plans. At times, some people around you might not know the right things to say or know how to react in a helpful manner, which can be hurtful. So make sure to find the right support system. It can be helpful to talk to someone else who has also lost a child because he or she knows what you are going through. 

Grief doesn’t last for a fixed period of time or have an end date. You will never forget your child but the pain will lessen. Our healing journey takes time and care; so travel through it with patience and love. 

Category(s):Bereavement, Grief, Loss, Bereavement, Miscarriage

Written by:

Dr. Hana Ra Adams PsyD., MA, LMFT

Dr. Adams obtained her psychology degree from Pennsylvania State University, U.S.A. She obtained her Masters Degree in counseling psychology (marriage and family therapy) and her Doctorate Degree in clinical psychology from Argosy University – Twin Cities, U.S.A. She is a Korean-American Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who enjoys working with families, children, adolescents, couples, adults, and older adults. She has worked in a variety of settings including hospitals, community mental health centers, in-home therapy, nursing care, mental health clinics, and school settings. She offers English, Korean, and a wide range of culturally appropriate services.

Dr. Adams works collaboratively with people to create new solutions and stories for their lives. She has experience working with people struggling with anxiety, depression, cross-cultural adjustment, transitional concerns, family conflict, marriage/relationship concerns, identity issues, sexual health concerns, sexual abuse, incest, parenting, adoption issues, grief/loss, school issues, shopping concerns, and academic concerns. She has special interest and experience with infant/perinatal loss.

Dr. Adams also has experience providing psychological assessments for personality and academic concerns. She is an American Psychological Association Minority Fellowship Program fellow.

Dr. Hana Ra Adams PsyD., MA, LMFT belongs to The Change Group LLP in Singapore