Blaming others for our Poor Anger Management

Posted on November 13, 2018

It is common for people to shun away from the responsibility of their poor behavior. They victimize themselves through their actions and are restrictive toward change. They fail to see that blaming others only enhances their feeling of powerlessness, hence also a reason why they blame others. Stating how others are responsible for our own emotions, the intensity of it and the way we manage them, is different from stating a possible event that led to our anger.

The habit of blaming others stems from early childhood development where it is picked up from parents who also acted in a similar way. Others might have been heavily humiliated or reprimanded after taking responsibility for their actions and admitting to what their mistakes. Knowing how to make peace with our own emotions can be tough, especially when the effect of humiliation can be almost intolerable. Blaming others for our anger might also result from our desire to see ourselves as better than who we truly are and someone who is not as flawed. It gives us a seemingly valid reason for our insensitive actions based on feelings evoked from rashness, feelings seen as weak or inappropriate.

Putting blame on someone else for the way we manage our anger, is a defensive mechanism as a form of escape from emotion that are hard to face and other types of challenging emotions like guilt, disappointment, humiliation, depression and powerlessness. It is also an act to preserve our self-esteem and helps us put aside uncomfortable feelings or a specific part of ourselves that feels ashamed of what we have done.

The following are a few negative impacts of putting the blame on others for our poor anger management:

1. Disrupt our ability to internalize genuine self-worth and empowerment.

When we put the blame on others for our actions, we devalue our sense of control and heighten our sense of powerlessness. When one victimizes themselves, they feel vulnerable, powerless and have a negative mind set which will lead to high probability of anger arousal and depression. Putting the blame on others denies our sense of autonomy and freedom to make decisions.

2. Reliance

Taking responsibility for our own actions might not be an easy task as it might increase anxiety levels, loneliness and confusion related to the decisions made in our lives. It is a type of anxiety that drives people to seek for some form of distraction, such as blaming others for how we act.

3. The act of blaming others helps one avoid the challenging task of facing their own mistakes and learning the importance of self-reflection.

Although self-reflection can make us feel uneasy, it is important in helping us see the need to take responsibility for our own actions. Putting the blame on others instead limits our freedom to choose while reflecting on ourselves expands our sense of choice. Self-reflection helps us identify our wants and how to properly fulfil them. we form a relationship with ourselves that notifies us about the decisions we make in our lives.

4. Blaming others takes away the chance for resilience, ability to handle difficulties in life, and self-growth.

When we blame others to curb the anger we are feeling, we make it harder for ourselves to notice how insensitive and ridiculous we were being just to get what we want, hence driving ourselves further away from our main desires and emotional needs.

Life is a rocky path, everyone faces different types of difficulties and obstacles along the way. We have the potential to make mistakes and have our own personal flaws, and this is what makes us human. Inculcating self-compassion curbs our urge to blame others. It helps us gradually learn to accept various parts of ourselves rather than abandoning them, our emotions and acknowledge our way of thinking with an inquisitive attitude rather than a judgmental one.

Compassion reminds us to be conscious of acting in a way that is genuinely in our best interest. It helps us reflect on ourselves from time to time, which is important to properly understand ourselves, know who we are as a person and what type of person we wish to become. During emotionally challenging moments, compassion helps us identify how we can truly help ourselves in the most effective way.

Category(s):Adjusting to Change / Life Transitions, Adult psychological development, Anger Management, Child Development, Self-Care / Self Compassion

Source material from Psychology Today