Understanding a Controlling Partner

Posted on October 18, 2018

A control process is when both parties in a couple are set on each of their own decision to go about an important issue. This struggle regarding who should compromise, can also be due to the smallest daily life issue.

People who possess a controlling nature are often adamant in making most of the decisions in their relationships. They tend to take control over their partners, while the milder cases passively oppose to a decision that isn’t made by them. This behavior is subtle yet usually effectively irritates their partners.

People with controlling behavior might have grew up in a restrictive environment themselves since young, where their parents often controlled almost everything they can do and every decision in their lives. They might have also been given excessively stressful responsibilities which are mentally draining and too much for someone of their maturity and age to handle as a young child. Others who have developed a controlling nature might have felt like they did not have any power at all in a family with toxic relationships, one of which possibly being addiction. Some controlling individuals might have constantly been unhappy regarding their parents’ incapable and irresponsible nature, or even felt so afraid that they develop a defense mechanism against their overwhelming trauma-related anxiety by trying to gain control of their surroundings in every possible way.

Anxiety is commonly known as one of the influences for having a strong urge to dominate. Identifying the root cause of the anxiety is crucial, but one must first acknowledge their controlling nature. One has to also be able to sacrifice something to stop the need to take control over everything.

However, sometimes compromises can come with negative side effects. While accommodating to their partner and suppressing the need to control, this mental conflict may surface through different ways in a relationship. The following are a few negative impacts of tolerating a power struggle:

1. One might eventually feel apathetic.

This is when couples lose hope and acknowledge that they can never come to a consensus. Similar problems will resurface and cause immense sadness for both parties. This might also be a form of unhealthy exposure for children as they will be learning from the victimizing and giving up attitude from their parents rather than the right way of solving their issues.

2. Lack of trust

If one party in a relationship feels that their opinions are ignored, they might start hiding things and keeping secrets from their partners. This might lead to one party doing something behind their partner’s backs; something that disrespects their partner which would eventually brew up more distrust and more controlling behavior.

3. Violence

The more severe power struggles can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse, since both factors are correlated with control and power.

4. Avoidance

One party might one day feel so put off by their partner that they start avoiding them in every way possible

The negative impacts of power struggles in a relationship are often underestimated. Control issues within a relationship should be identified early to salvage the relationship. Although it can be hard to acknowledge oneself as a controlling individual, one should not be in denial or totally dismiss the possibility of possessing such a characteristic. Most control issues in relationships do not involve a right or wrong, just a need for understanding and accommodation.

Category(s):Adjusting to Change / Life Transitions, Adult psychological development, Control Issues, Relationships & Marriage

Source material from Psychology Today

Mental Health News