Resentment can be tricky because it often masquerades as other emotions - such as boredom and anger - and has the ability to erode the quality of a marriage over time if it’s not dealt with effectively. Resentment and anger often go hand in hand and are equally toxic emotions that may make people feel in control - yet they are actually giving up control to others. Resentment is a sneaky emotion that takes more forms that you realize. On the surface it may cause you to feel bored, or to find flaws with your partner - picking on them for small things such as being somewhat messy or failing to return your text in a timely fashion.
Here are 8 ways to prevent resentment from ruining your marriage:
1. Acknowledge your feelings and practice being vulnerable in small steps so you can build confidence in being more open with your partner. Discussing minor issues (schedules, meals) is a great place to start before tackling bigger matters such as disciplining kids or finances.
2. Be honest and communicate about key issues in your relationship. Be sure to be forthcoming about finances, your past and concerns with a family member, co-workers, children, etc.
3. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict or dispute. One person's ability to do this can change the dynamic of the relationship. John Gottman wrote: "one person's response will literally change the brain waves of the other person."
4. Apologize to your partner when appropriate. This will validate their feelings and promote forgiveness and allow you both to move on.
5. Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't the same as condoning the hurt done to you but it will allow you to move on. Try to remember you are on the same team.
6. Show empathy to your partner. Expressing empathy will go a long way to smooth things over - especially after a disagreement. After he or she has shared their perception of the problem, saying something like: "I get it. It makes sense that you’d feel that way."
7. Express thoughts, feelings and wishes in a respectful way. Resentment can build when couples sweep things under the rug, so be vulnerable and don't bury negative feelings.
8. Make a commitment to practice endurance and patience. In time, many of the kinks inherent in married life will smooth out.
One of the biggest problems with ongoing resentment in an intimate relationship is that it often leads to withdrawal and a lack of vulnerability. And if you're bottling up feelings of anger, sadness or disappointment often, this can lead to feelings of resentment. Along with this comes less warmth, affection and over time less fondness and admiration for your partner. Forgiveness can allow you to move on with your life and to embrace love, trust and intimacy.
Forgiveness is a conscious choice and doesn't mean that we condone another person's actions. It simply means that we are unwilling to give them power over us. We can spend our lives waiting for someone to apologize or ask for forgiveness, but in the end it is really a decision we make to move on with our lives and to let go of resentment.
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Category(s):Anger Management, Relationships & Marriage
Source material from Huffington Post
