But talking about it means being prepared to meet with invalidation. Not everyone will support our journey to heal. They could outright deny that we were abused or traumatized. Some people just don’t want to believe that they live in a world where things like sexual abuse can happen. “That’s something that only happens on a TV movie.”
Invalidation can take many forms. People may tell say: Stop living in the past. Let bygones be bygones. Everyone had a bad childhood. Things could be worse.
The message here is that something is wrong with us for not being able to move past the traumatization. They might even imply that we should let it go and reconcile with the abuser. This minimizes the illegality and the affects of what happened to us.
When we’re being invalidated in this way, it’s important to remember that this person doesn’t have our best interest at heart. They’re not taking in what we’ve said — they are actively keeping it out of mind. In fact, they are probably coming from their own place of denial, where their deeply-held feelings have been invalidated in a similar way, according to Elisabeth Corey, a survivor of family-controlled child sexual abuse and trafficking. (She has some great steps to beating invalidation on her blog).
Invalidation hurts and we have a right to that feeling. We shouldn’t deny our emotions. Just never forget that we are the sole authority of our own experience.
When met with invalidation remember the Tao: We can’t control others. We can only self-cultivate. No action is required. We don’t have to fight and defend ourselves. Simply let them be themselves, as we continue on our healing path unhindered.
To read the full article, click the link below.
Category(s):Child and/or Adolescent Issues, Child Development, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) / Trauma / Complex PTSD
Source material from PsychCentral
