Jennifer Soos, a therapist who specializes in traumatic loss, says that first we should let go of the notion of closure. “Closure isn’t really the thing that people think it is,” she says. “The belief it exists and ought to be a ‘goal’ of grief is simply not helpful.” It is healthier to work toward integration, she says, which is the process of “figuring out how to integrate the experience into who we are and what that will look moving forward.”
Also, many people think they are expected to walk through the stages in a linear fashion because that is how you ‘do grief correctly'. However, Soos explains that the grieving process is unique to each person.
Donna Henes, a funeral celebrant and spiritual counselor who has helped mourners for more than 35 years says that even though the grieving process for each person is different, the best way to offer support is always just to listen. She says, "The kindest thing to do is to listen, to ask questions and share memories.” Doing so “confirms the depth of their grief and keeps the love alive.”It’s also important to be thoughtful of what you say. Platitudes such as: “Time heals all wounds” or “They are in a better place” are not helpful and can be extremely irritating to hear, says Henes.
Jennifer Kelman, a clinical social worker and professional coach adds that instead of using such platitudes, you could try offering a simple: “I’m here and am around if you want to just be.” Kelman also suggests removing any timeline from the process. Supporters may feel like the person suffering ‘should be over it by now,’ which may put pressure on the griever to rush through the process, but in fact, this will only delay their healing.
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Category(s):Grief, Loss, Bereavement
Source material from psychology today
