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Deb Hannaford, a marriage and family therapist suggests that first, we identify what we’re experiencing and then we stay with the emotion. We sit with it. We don’t judge what we’re feeling. Instead, we simply observe it. And we accept it — whether it’s sadness or anxiety or any other “negative” emotion. Because emotions are crucial. Hannaford said emotions work “hard to help us navigate our way through life’s journey. The key is to become familiar with the system and respond in a timely manner."
Listening to our emotions is a skill. Hannaford shares some suggestions as methods of practicing this skill.
Firstly, she says that you should identify physical sensations associated with you emotions. Our physical sensations are actually often the first signal, so it is helpful to notice how certain emotions feel in our body. For instance, she noted that people commonly experience anxiety in their chest because their heart rate increases and their breathing gets shallower.
Hannaford suggests using a scale to measure the intensity of emotion that you are feeling. By doing so, you are being present to your body. She said when we are present, "we can learn to identify feelings quickly and intervene more appropriately.”
If your emotion feels too big, use a technique that grounds and centers you. Hannaford teaches her anxious clients this exercise, which they can do at any time: Stand with your feet firmly planted on the ground. Push the weight through your feet and into the floor. Become aware of how this feels physically. Take three to four longer, deeper breaths as you count up to four and then back to zero. Pick a color and scan your surroundings to find as many items in this color as you can. Then say aloud the items you can remember.
A technique that helps kids as well as adults is to assign characters to your emotions. According to Hannaford, “assigning characters to emotions can help us understand the real message these feelings seek to convey.” For instance, anger tries to alert us that something is wrong and we need to take action, she said. Its function is to protect us. When our stress response system is working well, anger’s early warning signs turn up as agitation, and the little guy begins to show protest. However, the more we ignore him, the more he will grow. This is why it’s so important to pay attention to our emotions, because if we ignore them, they only build and build.
Lastly, Hannaford suggests staying with your emotions to explore them. When we try to get rid of our emotions or ignore them, we miss out on their meaningful messages. We naturally do this with “negative” emotions, such as sadness. However, giving sadness a voice is an invaluable step in helping us heal.
Listening to our emotions can sound exhausting or intimidating or impossible. But remember respecting and honoring your emotions is really about respecting and honoring yourself.
Category(s):Mindfulness
Source material from PyschCentral
