Starting off the New Year as the best partner you can be

Posted on January 2, 2016

We might only notice our partners when they’re annoying or aggravating us. This makes it impossible to be the best partner you know you can be, said Robyn D'Angelo, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

D’Angelo suggested trying this four-step process to avoid unnecessary disputes :-

(1) Talking about it. Talk about what you see and feel in your relationship, without blaming your partner. Ask your partner to share his or her perspective as well. Pay attention to the different ways you can connect.

(2) Apologize. Let your partner know about the remorse you feel for not slowing down and sharing how much you love and appreciate him or her.

(3) Forgive. Accept your partner’s apology — even if it’s a bit messy.

(4) Agree. Agree on ways both of you will thoughtfully slow down, connect, and choose each other every day — even when things get tough and you have the option to pick someone else, such as a friend or family member.

According to D’Angelo, John Gottman’s recommendations are good words to live by: “Apologize when you’re wrong, and shut up when you’re right.” It might be very tempting to tell your partner "See! I told you so" but this would only cause your partner to feel hurt and make him or her defensive.

Be kind even when your partner doesn’t deserve your kindness and especially when you’re too tired, sleepy, angry, hungry or stressed out for we are the best partners we can be when we show up for our partner — when we are open to listening about our partner’s ideas, dreams and wishes, as well as stresses, disappointments and hurts, said D'Angelo.

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Category(s):Relationships & Marriage

Source material from PsychCentral

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