Why haters hate the way they hate

Posted on November 14, 2015

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Hatred and psychological pain

The most basic condition that must be fulfilled before someone can hate you is that you need to cause the person some degree of psychological pain. There’s no hatred possible without pain. Whenever someone hates you, you must automatically assume that you've caused the person some sort of psychological pain, wittingly or unwittingly.

This is because hatred itself is an emotion that motivates a person to avoid pain, which at times takes the form of derogating people who cause us pain. After all if we derogate people who have caused us pain, we feel better about ourselves because we not only overpower the source of our pain but also get our sweet revenge by inflicting pain on them.

Following are two most common ways in which you, knowingly or unknowingly, might turn someone into your hater:

• When you hurt their ego
All human beings have a strong need to feel superior and special. People even develop psychological disorders just to protect their ego. So whenever you see someone spewing their hatred on you, try asking yourself this question, “How did I hurt this person’s ego?” and you’d be surprised how everything will become clear.

• When you get something they want badly
Often, this results in jealousy but since jealousy is so painful an emotion, hatred also ensues toward the person we're jealous of. So the other important question that you need to ask yourself if someone hates you is, “What have I got that this person wants badly?”

Part of their hate motivates them to attack you so that you may rid yourself of what you have and they can grab it instead.

Hatred as a defense mechanism

Some people hate the way they hate because they've been hated that way. It might be that a person who frequently calls you dumb, stupid, ignorant or other hateful epithets may have been called that in the past by someone else.

Here’s how it works. When a person receives hateful comments, he’s likely to get hurt, that’s human nature. But the primary task of our subconscious is to protect us from being hurt. So the subconscious of the person who has been hurt comes up with a plan to prevent the same thing from happening in the future:

“I will hurt others before they get a chance to hurt me.”

Since all this happens unconsciously, the person may not even be aware of the fact that he’s actually getting back at people who had previously hated him by hating other, innocent people!

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Category(s):Empathy, Self-Confidence, Self-Doubt

Source material from Psych Mechanics

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