Love Making to Baby Making, Where has the pleasure gone?

Published on October 8, 2023

Are you a couple who is transitioning to family planning and thinking about starting a family? Are you a couple who once enjoyed sex and love making only to now find it difficult and anxiety filled as you start to try and have a baby? In the process of making a baby, has sex become something about work?


Has making a baby become a goal in which it’s taken all the pleasure out of your love making? As a man, do you feel more like a sperm donor during your sexual experiences than a loving partner? As a woman, now that you are trying to focus on making a baby, are you overcome with anxiety about whether or not your partner be able to maintain an erection and orgasm?

One of the things many young couples are not prepared for as they transition their marriage from that of a couple into trying to make a baby is how sex will change. Sex for love making and fun and pleasure is about what feels good. Sex is best when it is done with two people who feel like doing it, they are relaxed, they’re comfortable, and they are doing whatever feels good.


However, now that people are delaying childbirth, there is much more knowledge about fertility and ovulation, couples start to shift their love making to baby making. In the process of baby making, sex now becomes something more like work. Sex and intimacy focuses about doing it in the right time of day, at a certain time. Baby making becomes detached from pleasure and things that feel good; it also becomes detached from whether you want to have sex. It’s all about being able to perform at the right time, in the right moment. It has nothing to do with fun, pleasure, enjoyment and creating the mood.


And the longer it takes for the couple to become pregnant, the more damaging this approach of work like sex has on the couple’s sex life. Intimacy that gets disconnected from pleasure can bleed out into their relationship often disconnecting them.


So, if you are in the process of going from love making to baby making, are you prepared to handle the sex life with this new transition?  Are you prepared to handle it if it longer than 6 months to get pregnant? Do you know how to talk about and communicate sex that is more purpose driven than pleasure driven?

intimacy issues for baby makingIf you have been having sex to make a baby for a while now and you are finding that sex has been more and more like work, less and less pleasurable  now is the time to start addressing this. If one or both of you are stopping the enjoyment of it, is making excuses to avoid it, or you are seeing your partner having erectile dysfunctions, therapy can help couples address how to start thinking about and planning sex.


Baby making can really negatively change a couple’s sex life if it goes on for longer than 6 months. Don’t let your sex life turn into something other than love making. If you want to find out how therapy can help you, contact us now at +6590307239. All in the Family Counselling Counselling Centre Pte ltd.

Tammy Fontana, lead therapist and clinically trained sex therapist helps couples face what feels like embarrassing or difficult sex issues. Ms. Fontana has been helping couples and individuals for two decades. She creates custom treatment plans to address couples needs. Find out how she can help you.

Category(s):Blended Family Issues, Child Development, Couple Counseling, Marital Counseling, Men's Issues, Parenting, Pre-Marital Counseling, Pregnancy & Birthing, Relationships & Marriage, Relaxation techniques, Sexual Problems / Sex Therapy, Women's Issues

Written by:

Tammy M. Fontana, MS NCC CTRT Sex Therapist USA

Ms. Fontana is a relationship counsellor specializing in helping people with their relationships whether it is dating, marriage, parenting or with their extended family. Her clients call her approach practical and found solutions to their problems. Ms. Fontana has obtained her Master Degree in Mental Health counselling from the United States and is a USA Nationally Certified Counsellor. She is also a Certified Choice Theory Reality Therapist and is USA trained Sex Therapist.

Tammy M. Fontana, MS NCC CTRT Sex Therapist USA belongs to All in the Family Counselling Centre, PTE LTD in Singapore