Five Ways to Stay Emotionally Secure During a Divorce

Published on January 26, 2023

divorce might be one of the biggest challenges you have ever faced. Divorce can feel like you are starting from scratch. You might feel stigmatized or like a failure. Your friends and family try to be helpful, but they don’t always understand. As a result, you feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. Some days you feel hopeful, while others feel grief and despair. Here are three pointers to help you feel emotionally secure during your divorce.

  1. Forgive Yourself. Forgive yourself for anything that you are blaming yourself for in your marriage. It can be helpful to look back and learn from your mistakes. However, it needs to be more helpful to be overly responsible. The marriage breakdown would not be all your fault. Divorce is not a failure, even though it feels like it. Sometimes divorce is a brand new start and an opportunity to heal.
  2. Make space for your feelings. It can be tempting to avoid our feelings because we don’t want to deal with them. However, feelings don’t go away. Our unprocessed emotions can cause us to lash out at others or lower our self-worth. Make space for your feelings by feeling them in your body, being curious about them, and accepting them. Emotions are not bad; they give us information about ourselves and others. They keep us safe. Anger can help motivate and protect us as long as it is not used for revenge or punishment. Grief can remind us that we can turn love inward toward ourselves. Anxiety can be reframed and reworded as excitement.
  3. Do something just for you every day. Do something to decompress or do something nice for yourself every day. That includes practicing self-compassion. Allow yourself to rest so that exhaustion doesn’t kick in. If you are grieving, only do what is a priority that day.
  4. Let go of the what-ifs. When going through a divorce, it can be easy to wonder what you lack. You might think that you need to be more pretty or accomplished. You might wonder what might have happened if only you had done more. Let go of the negative what-if thoughts because they will only harm your confidence. You are enough just the way you are. If you feel that you need to work on your conflict style, self-worth, or past trauma, now is an opportunity to heal.
  5. Appreciate yourself and those around you. Divorce is heavy. You might feel like avoiding others because of the embarrassment. However, your family and friends want to hear what you are going through. Being vulnerable with them can lead to closer relationships. Appreciate those who have stuck by your side. Appreciate yourself for all that you have overcome. Remembering your wins will help build your confidence. Focusing on your losses will bring your self-worth down. Be kind to yourself.

To book a consultation or to find out more, you can reach me at or call the MindNLife Clinic at +852 2521 4668

Category(s):Anxiety, Divorce / Divorce Adjustment, Emotional Intelligence, Ending a relationship issues, Self-Care / Self Compassion, Self-Esteem, Self-Love

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668

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