3 Ways to overcome your fear of divorce

Published on January 26, 2023

a couple sitting on the couch worried about getting divorced

Getting a divorce should never be an easy decision. It can be an even harder decision if children are involved. You might be in a situation where the conflict is so high your children want you to get a divorce. Conflict can be traumatic and stressful for children and teens. Before a divorce, have you asked your partner to go to counseling with you? Have you gone to counseling? Divorce can be life-changing in both negative and positive ways. If you are confident that divorce is your only option, here are some pointers to help you overcome the fear.

  1. Be clear that this is what you need to do. If you are confident that divorce needs to happen, being resolute will give you confidence. If it is something you know needs to happen, you will work your way toward that goal.
  2. Fear of telling your partner. Understanding your partner’s conflict style will help in this situation. You want to tell your partner in a way that is not blaming or shaming. You can start by talking about your feelings. For example, “I have been anxious lately in our marriage.” Then you can say that the solution to your anxiety is getting a divorce because couples counseling did not resolve the issues. If you are in an abusive relationship, you do not need to explain yourself. They will use your explanation to pull you back in. You must speak and get it off your chest to overcome this fear. You must devise an exit strategy if you are in an abusive relationship. To keep yourself safe, notify the police if you have children contact child protective services and ask them for help.
  3. Fear of telling the kids.  Children are more switched on than we give them credit for. They might not be as surprised as you think. They may have friends with divorced parents as well. It would be best to consider their developmental age to keep your children secure during your divorce. You want to avoid language that might make them feel abandoned, responsible, or aligned with one parent. Children often feel like things are their fault. You want to remind them that they did nothing wrong. We don’t want the children to feel like they must parent or protect you.

For more pointers, or to book a session contact me at info@doctormonicaborschel.com  or call the MindNLife Clinic at +852 2521 4668


a couple sitting on the couch worried about getting divorced

Category(s):Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Divorce / Divorce Adjustment, Emotional Abuse, Ending a relationship issues, Parenting, Physical Abuse, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at info@doctormonicaborschel.com or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668