Five Ways You Might Be Harming Your Relationship

Published on January 17, 2023

When people date, they usually put their best foot forward. They want to be liked back. Dopamine, the neurotransmitter that is linked to reward, is high. This leads to feeling euphoria and excitement to see the other person. However, over time the excitement fades, and complacency can settle in. Excitement, like stress, can only last so long in our body before our body comes down or crashes. Romance can feel like that as well. If you notice that your partner has been pulling away from you, here are some things that might be harming your relationship.

  1. Being critical of your partner can make them feel like they are walking on eggshells around you. The criticism begins to get old, and resentment builds. Your partner might also internalize the criticism, making them feel insecure. Criticism is a fast way to destroy attraction.
  2. Lashing out – Screaming, yelling, or throwing things is an excellent way to scare your partner. When people are frightened, they go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Your partner should respect you rather than fear you. According to John Gottman, contempt is the number one relationship killer. If you can not control your reactions, it is an excellent time to speak to someone. It is possible that lashing out is a symptom of trauma or stress.
  3. Smothering – Smothering or being too clingy can make your partner feel trapped. When people feel like they can’t breathe around you, they will find an exit. Smothering can come out of insecurity or an anxious attachment style.
  4. Controlling your partner is a good way to get them to pull away from you. Control can look like isolating someone from friends and family. Controlling who your partner speaks to, what they eat, what they wear, and how much money they can spend are all signs of emotional abuse.
  5. Jealousy – everyone experiences jealousy from time to time. However, extreme jealousy can turn into controlling and abusive behaviors. Jealousy can also be a sign of insecurity or attachment anxiety. Of course, if you are flirting with others or cheating, then jealousy is normal. Flirting and cheating is an excellent way to get your partner to leave you.

If you are struggling in your relationship, reach out. I would love to help you overcome these challenges.  Email

Category(s):Anxiety, Attachment Issues, Couple Counseling, Ending a relationship issues, Marital Counseling, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668