Are you in a relationship in which sex has declined or diminished? When you have sex, does it feel very mechanical? Are you not feeling desired, wanted or seen as an individual while you are having sex? Is a complaint you have that your partner just uses you for sex and you don't feel loved or cared for? Are you frustrated and angry that you are not having the better sex life you thought you would in your marriage? Is marriage not offering the promise of sex as you imagined?
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The way people think about sex is often the problem that creates the sex problem. Are you somebody who thinks that sex is something you do and it just happens? Do you think it's enough to just be married and show up and have sex?
Sex in long-term relationships requires very good communication, very healthy boundaries and excellent understanding of self and what you want, and the ability to communicate that. It also requires you to be able to listen to your partner in a non-defensive way when they are talking about what they like and what they don't like, without taking it personally. If you struggle to hear about your partner's wants and needs and you feel defensive and angry, this will be a problem to having sex.
In a relationship you have two individuals that have different wants and needs that have nothing to do with the other person. Too often, couples feel hurt or defensive or rejected when their partner tells them they like something or they don't like something that their partner is doing. This breaks down communication. The defensiveness and the personalization of what their partner's wants disrrupts the intimacy required to have a good sex life.
One of the most important things in a healthy sex life is the ability to talk about what you want, what you like and what you need and to be able to negotiate it. This idea that sex just happens is problematic.
Sex requires communication, connection, planning, discussion. It becomes even more complicated if clients have big jobs, working long hours, travelling or they have young children. There are many things that have to be taken into effect.
If you are struggling to negotiate and create a healthy and happy sex life in your long-term relationship, All in the Family Counselling Centre and Tammy Fontana, lead therapist, have extensive experience in helping couples. We provide therapy to help couples address their lack of sexual intelligence, improve their communication and conflict, and deal with the feelings and emotions that people will experience when they are trying to address their sexual issues.
All in the Family Counselling Centre recognizes not everybody is ready for individual or couple therapy. We have created educational workshops to address issues around sex and intimacy, communication and conflict, boundaries and other issues that couples and individuals are facing. Please visit our web site.
We provide thoughtfully taylored confidential education classes. We realize not everyone is ready for therapy. Visit our website to learn about these: https://allinthefamilycounselling.com/educational-group-work
All in the Family Counselling Centre has been providing therapy for just under two decades. If you would like to learn more about how we can help you, contact us at tammy@allinthefamilycounselling.com.
Tammy Fontana, lead therapist, has extensive experience in working with difficult cases, sex and intimacy, communication and conflict, marriage therapy, anxiety and depression. Contact us to learn how she can help you by whatsapp us at +6590307239
Ms. Fontana is a relationship counsellor specializing in helping people with their relationships whether it is dating, marriage, parenting or with their extended family. Her clients call her approach practical and found solutions to their problems. Ms. Fontana has obtained her Master Degree in Mental Health counselling from the United States and is a USA Nationally Certified Counsellor. She is also a Certified Choice Theory Reality Therapist and is USA trained Sex Therapist.