Avoid These Mistakes if You are Married, Says Shivani Sadhoo

Published on March 5, 2022
marriage counselor shivani misri sadhoo

Everyone makes mistakes, that is normal. But certain faults or misunderstandings are strong enough to put your relationship in the doldrums, says Shivani Sadhoo if you do it continuously and in the long term, particularly as a married couple.

It does not mean you will not make any mistakes at all, but by being mindful of the common errors that you or your future spouse potentially commit in your upcoming marriage, you will learn from it and do well, After all, preparing for prevention is always better than a cure, isn’t it? So, make certain you know what sort of behaviour you must avoid as described below by therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Raking up past issues

At times when trying to resolve present issues, a couple shifts the focus to past issues instead. Perhaps they are still holding any grudge or feel like the new issue stemmed from old poor habits. Either way, doing it will merely make your arguments ineffective and unconstructive, particularly if the two of you have agreed that the past problems are already resolved. Place your attention on the issue you faced currently, learn how to move on, and never drag previous disagreements into the new equation. In that manner, you can avoid fighting about the same issues over and over again in the future.

Letting others get too involved in the relationship

In several cases, a married couple’s marriage is not exclusively involving the husband and the wife, but also the in-laws or parents, best friends, boss, or other people outside the inner circle. It is certainly nice to have a good and strong support system to help you and your partner when you are facing a specific problem. But if those people are trying out to be controlling, micromanaging, or making things a lot more complicated, then let us hope it is not too late to alter things around. So, before you include unnecessary persons into your relationship, bear in mind that you and your spouse need to create boundaries regarding external involvement, for instance by not telling others about the internal conflicts in your marriage. Because what is important is how the two of you are required to rely on each other to survive this long journey.

Not maintaining intimacy

This mistake is generally made unconsciously, particularly by married couples who have been married for a long time or getting busier every day with work or kids. When there are several distractions around you, it is very easy to feel like being intimate is no longer a necessity or a priority. Consequently, the couple becomes distant, disconnected, and going apart from each other. No matter how busy and stressed you are with your daily schedule, or how long you have been married, maintain the intimacy between you and your partner. Aside from getting physically intimate, you can also schedule a date night or constantly give each other small yet sweet physical gestures, such as a kiss before going out or a sincere, deep hug to display how much you missed your partner at the end of a long day.

Bringing a child into a troubled marriage

It is unfortunate but true; certain couples see having a baby as a way out and a solution for their troubled marriage. The reality is, you must not put such a big responsibility on bringing family peace to an innocent child. Besides that, all of the stress of having a newborn, hormonal swing, even postpartum depression could only make things worse and make new problems for the new parents. The child will also potentially grow up watching the parents fighting and arguing all time, which is another parental mistake a couple needs to avoid. It would be better to try solving the complications between you and your partner prior to deciding to expand your family. With a healthy and better-formed relationship between you and your partner, you can give your child a better atmosphere to grow up in.

Taking decisions without consulting each other

Being in a team with your partner means that you should always consider their opinion while making a decision, specifically, ones related to the family, finance, career, or other major life direction. But in reality, several married couples make the mistake of not consulting their partner when planning or deciding on various things. Perhaps, they are still in the habit of living life independently as a single, but that thing must change the moment you said I do. To make the transition simpler, try to begin involving your future partner in your future plans and goals, so you are able to put their ideas and judgments into consideration. By doing that, when you are married, you will not make each other feel left out or unheard.

Category(s):Couple Counseling, Marital Counseling, Pre-Marital Counseling, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Shivani Misri Sadhoo is of Delhi's eminent Psychologist, Relationship expert and marriage counselor and works with India 's top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain