The “I am not good enough” scam

Published on October 13, 2021

Zack grew up in a wealthy family. His mother was a lawyer, and his father was a surgeon. His parents were quite busy, so he often came home and worked on his homework by himself. His parents were kind and were able to buy him things, but he felt emotionally lonely. He thought if I could be intelligent, they would see me. Zack feared that he was not good enough, which is why they did not have time for him.

“If I can just get good grades and stay out of trouble, then maybe they will love me,” he thought. Zack went on to do well in school and was able to attend a prestigious university. However, he still felt like it was not enough. He should go to graduate school.

“I need to be a CEO of my own company; then I will be worthwhile.”  The more Zack accomplished, the more he thought he needed to complete. He never felt like he was enough, even after making more money, earning more degrees and more titles.

Because he was successful, he felt like no one asked him how he was doing? Was he all right? When he was stressed or sought out social support, people would say, “You will be fine. You have everything.”  He wondered if anyone cared; he was not worth it to anyone.

For some, you might feel that you are never enough. You need to be more and make more. You might have been told that you are not qualified, you are not experienced or educated enough. When we feel rejected, we might think that this one rejection defines who we are as a person. Comparing yourself to others can be demotivating.

What if you are good enough the way that you are right now? If you knew you were enough, how would your life change? Would you be more confident? Of course, knowing that you are enough does not mean that you will not set goals or accomplish them. However, seeing your worth and understanding your values will help you set boundaries, be self-compassionate and improve your mood.

What if you are good enough the way that you are right now? Would knowing this help you to obtain your goals? When you start to see your worth, you understand that wins and losses do not define who you are. Degrees and titles are prestigious, but they do not dictate your worth. You can only determine your own worth. So, who are you?  What are your core values? Who do you want to be and why? Is it for you or someone else?

To book a session with Dr Monica Borschel please call the MindNLife clinic at +852 2521 4668 or email info@doctormonicaborschel.com


Category(s):Self-Care / Self Compassion, Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at info@doctormonicaborschel.com or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668