Your therapist is there to help not to judge

Published on January 8, 2021

April was struggling with depression and low self-worth.  She had done some things in her early twenties that left her feeling ashamed.  April had never told anyone about some of her secrets.  It took her a year in therapy before she felt safe to say what she was feeling shame around.  She felt a sense of relief that her therapist did not judge her, and a weight off of her shoulders that she had finally told someone.  Her honesty was the turning point that led to more profound healing.

Lewis was a kind and gentle husband and father, but as a teen, he had been a bully. In high school, he had felt out of control in his family because of domestic violence.  Lewis was unable to protect his mother and sister, and this made him feel deep guilt.  He would go to school agitated and pick fights.  As an adult, he had anxiety and felt embarrassed about his behaviour as a teenager.  He felt terrible because he had hurt some of his classmates.  He never told anyone, including his wife about the fights he used to get into.  He had panic attacks and would get anxious anytime he felt that his secret might come out.  Eventually, he decided to tell a therapist about his experiences.  When he did, he realized that he was still accepted, and his journey to feeling better had begun.

Professionals in the mental health field are there for you to speak openly and honestly.  The more honest and open you are, the better the counsellor can help you.  Judgement towards yourself and others is not helpful and can be hurtful.  For this reason, therapists act as an observer while holding a safe space free of criticism.  People make mistakes; no one is perfect.  Shame and secrets can damage self-worth, which might result in anxiety and depression.  People who have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder often have shame because of things they might have done while they were in survival mode.  Our mind and our body do everything possible to survive during trauma and chaos, and sometimes to survive we might do things we would not normally do.  Understanding that you did, what you had to endure, at the time helps to lead to self-forgiveness.


If you would like to set up an appointment with me please contact +852 2521 4668 or email

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Category(s):Abortion, Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Anxiety, Complex PTSD, Emotional Abuse, Ending a relationship issues, Physical Abuse, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) / Trauma / Complex PTSD, Relationships & Marriage, Sexual Abuse, Workplace Issues

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Registered Clinical Psychologist (HK)

Dr. Borschel specializes in Attachment, trauma and Loss. She is experienced in helping adults, teens, children, and families adjust to anxiety, trauma, abuse, divorce, separation, loss of a loved one, and loss of finance. This may include deciding what is in the best interest of the children during custody disputes, strengthening the relationship and communication between the parents and the children.

From Nov 2020 Dr. Borschel is only available for online consultations.

Dr. Borschel’s attachment-based therapy along with EMDR and Brainspotting enables her clients to find healing within themselves. In so doing, she can help her clients to overcome anxiety, trauma, neglect, emotional, verbal, physical abuse, and child abuse.

Furthermore, as an attachment specialist, she also helps individuals understand relationship patterns which prevent them from developing or maintaining healthy relationships. She is able to help reduce anxiety, insomnia, depression and promote confidence and self-esteem.

Dr. Borschel is originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, U.S.A. She graduated with her Masters in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University in New York City. She later moved to Hong Kong to pursue her doctorate at the University of Hong Kong in Social Work and Social Administration.

Registered Clinical Psychologist with The Hong Kong Society of Counseling and Psychology (HKSCP). Member of the American Psychological Association (APA), The British Psychological Society (BPS), and the Hong Kong Family Law Association (HKFLA).

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