Why I Can’t Just Get Over It

Published on January 8, 2021

Lori grew up with nice clothes, in a beautiful home and had all of her physical needs met.  When Lori was a small child, she was told repeatedly by her parents that she was stupid and that she would never amount to much.  She was neglected, shouted at and devalued to the point where she felt worthless.  She tried to tell herself that she was worthwhile, but she couldn’t feel it.  It was as if her body didn’t believe the logic.

Lori was currently living off of a trust fund that her parents had set up for her.  Her friends didn’t understand why Lori would have severe anxiety and panic every time her parents called.  They would tell her, “To just get over it,” or “The abuse happened in the past, and now you never have to work again.”  Lori felt like she couldn’t speak to her friends about her anxiety or about the abuse she had gone through because she didn’t struggle financially as her friends did.  A part of her felt like she didn’t deserve to feel happy. Another part of her was in complete terror whenever her mom called or was around.

Sometimes when abuse happens repeatedly, a false belief of worthlessness and unlovability is created.  Even as adults, they can look back on their childhood and understand that the abuse was in the past, even if it still feels real in the present. As much as the mind might tell the abused that they are safe now, their nervous system is wired to be hypervigilant to keep them safe.  People might go into fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode when they are neglected or abused.  When abuse happens repeatedly, the body becomes wired to act to survive, even in times of safety.

Complex trauma can feel like being stuck in a dark cave, without a light to see you through to the exit.  Sometimes the abuser becomes a part of how you think and view yourself.  It is essential to speak to yourself the way that you would someone you love and care about.  This requires thinking about thinking and being aware of the way you put yourself down in your mind.  Inner resources, such as being able to nurture and protect yourself, can help you to feel centred and calm.  It is a good idea to reach out to a professional if you are struggling with anxiety, depression, maintaining relationships, having flashbacks, nightmares or feel avoidant.

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If you feel like you need to talk to someone then please do contact me to set up an online appointment via email info@doctormonicaborschel.com.


Category(s):Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) / Trauma / Complex PTSD, Stress Management

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at info@doctormonicaborschel.com or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668