Should You Blame Your Mother?

Published on September 14, 2020

Where do all our problems come?

That’s a question once asked of me by TV host, Mel Tiangco, in a live telecast over at GMA7.

She also asked about the “mother wound” in relation to the case her program presented during the show.

Psychologist and author Dr. David Stoop mentions a “joke” common among psychologists.

He tells,

“If you want to play the blame game, I can move you through it real quick. Do you want to know why you have the problems you have? Because of your mother. And why do you suppose your mother treated you so badly? Because of her mother. And what was her mother’s problem? Why, her mother before her, of course.”

Did you get the “joke?”

The blame game leads you to nowhere. It only denies, avoids, or aggravates the problem by shirking your own personal responsibility. 

Blaming just proves one main thing:  we are all flawed. We are all imperfect human beings in an imperfect world.

Until we get off the the blame game, unwanted “stuff” will continue to happen in our lives.

“It is easy to blame our parents for our present problems. The fact of the matter is that we have faced a lot of decisions and made many choices in life along the way. If we don’t grow out of our problems and make the right choices, it’s no one’s fault but our own,” wrote Dr. Frank Minirth, a noted psychiatrist.

I also like how Dr. Stoop put it, 

“Blaming other people for our problems does not solve our problems, even if we are right.”

So in the final analysis, it matters little who started it or who is to blame for the problem.

The most essential curative question will be: 

“How do you break out of it?”


Category(s):Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Adult psychological development, Parenting

Written by:

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist

Dr. Angelo Subida is a clinical psychotherapist, author, and speaker. He is author of books "Inner Healing," "Secrets Of Your Self," "Chess and Life," among others, blogs, and articles. He has appeared frequently as an expert on psychotherapy/life recovery issues on national television, radio broadcasts, print media, and webcasts, including GMA 7, TV 5, ABS CBN 2, Q-11, 700 Club, Radyo Veritas, Inquirer Radio, Smart Parenting Magazine, Business Mirror, among others, and has served as resident therapist/counselor for parents and kid-artists in the highly popular ABS-CBN 2 Voice Kids TV singing reality show. Dr. Subida is an eclectic, multidisciplinary therapist and originator of his own revolutionary high-tech, high-touch counseling plus model. His areas of specialization include parent-child therapy, clinical infidelity treatment, relationship/marital counseling, separation/divorce therapy, anger management, depression, addictions, psychotherapy-spirituality integration, and innovative chess therapy. For more of Dr. Subida, you can find him at

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist belongs to Dr. Angelo O. Subida Psychotherapy Clinic in Philippines