Keeping your relationship secure though you are apart

Published on May 7, 2020

Establish trust

If trust is an issue because of past experiences in your life, or as a couple, find ways to build trust or enable trust. Is trust low because you don’t trust yourself?  Is trust low because of a past affair? Or is it low because your partner has been faithful, but you have been betrayed in the past?

Share your feelings

Are you afraid for your partner’s safety? Are you feeling guilty that you have to travel for work?  Are you feeling abandoned? Is it lonely travelling? Are you resentful that you are left at home to manage by yourself?  Sharing feelings can be productive if your partner does not feel blamed or attacked.  Make the conversation about “we” and not “I.”  For example, “it is hard on us that I have to travel so much.  I don’t want to be away from you.  I miss you when I am away.  I feel scared that something bad might happen to you.  I feel guilty that you have to take care of things alone.  How can we get through this together as a team?”

Set time to talk daily

Take time to check in with your partner. If you’re feeling lonely, be curious if they are as well.  Stay empathetic to what your partner is going through.  Take time to tell them you appreciate the efforts they are making to stay in touch as well as the efforts they are making to provide or take care of things.

When you are together, stay present

When you do have time with your partner, remain present in the moment with them. Enjoy each other’s company by doing things that you enjoy together.  When was the last time that you held your partner’s hand?

Manage conflict

When you are angry with your partner, all you can imagine is all the times that person upset you. Try to remember the happy times as well during a conflict.  Don’t avoid conflict, because the resentment will build.  Learn ways to speak and resolve the tension between you and your partner.

Enjoy your own time when your partner is away

When your partner is away, focus on your friends, hobbies and things that you want to learn. Healthy relationships include both partners having their own interests.

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If you would like to set up an appointment please contact me on +852 2521 4668 or email m.borschel@mindnlife.com. 

Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels


Category(s):Adjusting to Change / Life Transitions, Anxiety, Attachment Issues, Ending a relationship issues, Relationships & Marriage, Stress Management

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at info@doctormonicaborschel.com or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668