Keeping your relationship secure though you are apart

Published on May 7, 2020

Establish trust

If trust is an issue because of past experiences in your life, or as a couple, find ways to build trust or enable trust. Is trust low because you don’t trust yourself?  Is trust low because of a past affair? Or is it low because your partner has been faithful, but you have been betrayed in the past?

Share your feelings

Are you afraid for your partner’s safety? Are you feeling guilty that you have to travel for work?  Are you feeling abandoned? Is it lonely travelling? Are you resentful that you are left at home to manage by yourself?  Sharing feelings can be productive if your partner does not feel blamed or attacked.  Make the conversation about “we” and not “I.”  For example, “it is hard on us that I have to travel so much.  I don’t want to be away from you.  I miss you when I am away.  I feel scared that something bad might happen to you.  I feel guilty that you have to take care of things alone.  How can we get through this together as a team?”

Set time to talk daily

Take time to check in with your partner. If you’re feeling lonely, be curious if they are as well.  Stay empathetic to what your partner is going through.  Take time to tell them you appreciate the efforts they are making to stay in touch as well as the efforts they are making to provide or take care of things.

When you are together, stay present

When you do have time with your partner, remain present in the moment with them. Enjoy each other’s company by doing things that you enjoy together.  When was the last time that you held your partner’s hand?

Manage conflict

When you are angry with your partner, all you can imagine is all the times that person upset you. Try to remember the happy times as well during a conflict.  Don’t avoid conflict, because the resentment will build.  Learn ways to speak and resolve the tension between you and your partner.

Enjoy your own time when your partner is away

When your partner is away, focus on your friends, hobbies and things that you want to learn. Healthy relationships include both partners having their own interests.


If you would like to set up an appointment please contact me on +852 2521 4668 or email 

Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels

Category(s):Adjusting to Change / Life Transitions, Anxiety, Attachment Issues, Ending a relationship issues, Relationships & Marriage, Stress Management

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Registered Clinical Psychologist (HK)

Dr. Borschel specializes in Attachment, trauma and Loss. She is experienced in helping adults, teens, children, and families adjust to anxiety, trauma, abuse, divorce, separation, loss of a loved one, and loss of finance. This may include deciding what is in the best interest of the children during custody disputes, strengthening the relationship and communication between the parents and the children.

From Nov 2020 Dr. Borschel is only available for online consultations.

Dr. Borschel’s attachment-based therapy along with EMDR and Brainspotting enables her clients to find healing within themselves. In so doing, she can help her clients to overcome anxiety, trauma, neglect, emotional, verbal, physical abuse, and child abuse.

Furthermore, as an attachment specialist, she also helps individuals understand relationship patterns which prevent them from developing or maintaining healthy relationships. She is able to help reduce anxiety, insomnia, depression and promote confidence and self-esteem.

Dr. Borschel is originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, U.S.A. She graduated with her Masters in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University in New York City. She later moved to Hong Kong to pursue her doctorate at the University of Hong Kong in Social Work and Social Administration.

Registered Clinical Psychologist with The Hong Kong Society of Counseling and Psychology (HKSCP). Member of the American Psychological Association (APA), The British Psychological Society (BPS), and the Hong Kong Family Law Association (HKFLA).

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