The problems with isolation

Published on April 1, 2020

Human babies need caregivers because they are born helpless.  This first bond between caregiver and baby develops our attachment system, which is linked to our nervous system. We learn as babies and then toddlers how to get our needs met through others.  As we grow into teenagers, we look to our peers and similar others to form our identity.  As adults, we learn how to work with society.  In this way, humans are related to wolves, both humans and wolves survive and thrive better in a pack.

When we feel anxious or depressed, our first instinct might be to isolate ourselves.  We might want to hide because we feel emotionally taxed, and we don’t feel like we can handle much more.  When we are anxious or fearful, it might feel scary to go outside or interact with others.  Sometimes our emotions are so big, that it seems logical to let them dictate our actions.


Depression says, “you aren’t good enough.” “you can try, but you will probably fail.”  When we listen to these thoughts, we feel heavy and lose our motivation.  Speaking to others about these thoughts helps us to get another perspective.  Going out and enjoying the company of others is a way to connect.  When we connect, we feel less heavy, and we take our negative thoughts less seriously.  It might be challenging to reach out to others when you are depressed.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone, make a plan and set a date to meet people.  Likewise, make sure that you don’t back out of the plan.

Anxiety and PTSD

Anxiety and PTSD might say, “you aren’t safe,” “you can’t trust others.”  Avoiding other people and situations only feed the fear and make it bigger.  Overcoming anxiety means you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone so that you can see that people can be trusted and that you are safe.  Of course, some situations are truly not safe.  If you have high levels of anxiety, it might be challenging to trust which situations are safe and to trust your judgement.  This is when friends and family can help you decide if your fears are valid safety concerns or fears based on anxiety.


When we isolate ourselves, we only have our perspective as a source of information.  We might tend to ruminate and focus on what is not working rather than what is working.  We might abuse ourselves with negative self-talk, self-blame and invalidation of our emotions.  When we don’t feel comfortable with others, we might turn to self-harm, develop bad eating habits or use substances to manage strong emotions.


Are you feel isolated?  Would you like to set up an appointment? Please do contact me on +852 2521 4668 or email You can book a private session or we can use Skype.

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Category(s):Anger Management, Anxiety, Complex PTSD, Depression, Emotional Intelligence, Fear, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) / Trauma / Complex PTSD, Relationships & Marriage, Social Anxiety / Phobia, Social Isolation

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668

Mental Health News