Why do I keep attracting ‘losers’, or the ‘wrong person’, you might ask (pattern)? Why are everybody such ‘time wasters’ (you group them)? Why am I so unlucky/ terrible/ horrible when it comes to dating (internalisation)?

I am no self-declared love expert. I am first and foremost a sex expert, and also counsel people on relationships and communication.

However, this is what I learned and it was very useful to me in my reframing and it is this…

• Realisation — “I attract because I am attractive! Attractive people attract all kinds.”
• Take back power — “They (love interest) can try. It is up to me to use my discretion/ discernment to decide if they are the ‘right’ person for me.”
• Take back control — “I get to decide if people who come into my life get to stay in it” (letting go of fear).
• Let go fear of getting hurt — “I have been through many things. I can handle whatever comes my way” (including the possibility of getting hurt).
• Staying open — “I choose to believe in love and the possibilities of love for me.”
• When tired of dating — “I will rest and pace myself in this journey of life.”
• Continuing to work on self — “I do what I can to heal myself and trust the universe will provide — while actively being open to love/ dating.”
• When still single no matter what you tried — “Just because I haven’t met the ‘right’ person doesn’t mean I am any less valuable/ lovable — I just haven’t met the ‘right’ person for me.”

I know many people who don’t put themselves out there and hence do not meet anybody to go on dates with. It’s a matter of doing/ trying while also taking the time to heal/ reflect/ regroup. It is a process otherwise if we do-nothing, we will also get-nothing.

Be patient, be kind, be gentle with yourself. Go deeper into loving yourself — just as I am too.

You are worthy. We are worthy. I honor you.

For relationship and sexuality coaching, hire me!

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree — a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.