I Don't know who I am unless people tell me who I am.

Published on August 5, 2019


Firstly, what are your core values?  Here are few values that you might want to think about:

  • Authenticity
  • Autonomy
  • Balance
  • Compassion
  • Competency
  • Determination
  • Fairness
  • Growth
  • Honesty
  • Inner Harmony
  • Learning
  • Self-Respect
  • Spirituality
  • Trustworthiness

James Clear provides a great list of common core values if you are unsure.


What are you doing to please others even if it makes you uncomfortable?  Setting boundaries helps you to accomplish goals and be an authentic person.  When you are afraid to say no to others, you might end up leading a life that others want you to live.  This can lead to resentment.

What makes you feel alive?

What energises you?  What drains your energy?  If something is draining your energy, set a boundary.  Focus more on what excites you.

Develop your own style

Buy clothes based on what makes you feel good, not what the trend dictates.

Connect to yourself

When you understand your own beliefs, feelings and needs, you can become more authentic.  Make a list of what you will and will not tolerate.  Part of that list should include not tolerating abuse or control from others.


If you are feeling lost or confused about your identity, please do seek professional help.  To make an appointment with Dr Borschel call +852 2521 4668 or email m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Photo by ROBIN WORRALL on Unsplash

Category(s):Self-Care / Self Compassion, Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Dr Borschel specialises in Attachment and Loss. She is experienced in helping adults, teens, children, and families adjust to anxiety, trauma, abuse, divorce, separation, or loss of a loved one.

Dr. Borschel’s attachment-based psychodynamic therapy along with EMDR, enables her clients to find healing within themselves. In so doing, she can help adults, teens, and children to overcome grief, anxiety, trauma, neglect, emotional, verbal, physical abuse, and child abuse.

Furthermore, as an attachment specialist, she also helps individuals understand relationship patterns which prevent them from developing or maintaining healthy relationships. She is able to help reduce anxiety, insomnia, depression and promote confidence and self-esteem. This may include deciding what is in the best interest of the children during custody disputes, strengthening the relationship and communication between the parents and the children.

Dr. Borschel is originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, U.S.A. She graduated with her Masters in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University in New York City. She later moved to Hong Kong to pursue her doctorate at the University of Hong Kong in Social Work and Social Administration.

Registered Clinical Psychologist with The Hong Kong Society of Counseling and Psychology. Member of the American Psychological Association (APA), the American Counseling Association (ACA), The British Psychological Society (BPS), the Hong Kong Family Law Association (HKFLA) and EMDRIA certified therapist.

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