After Breaking up

Dear Dr.Park,

I'm a 20-year-old exchange student from America. I fell in love with a girl in America who's from Korea. This is one reason for my coming here, but I'm also an anthropology major specializing in Asian studies so it fits my agenda quite well.

Anyway, recently we broke up but I'm still crazy about her. We're still friends but she thinks I need a new girlfriend, which I would be ok with, but I can never get the genuine feeling to go for it. She's always on my mind. She feels nothing for me anymore outside of a friendship.

Someday I'm really fine and so happy, but there are periods where I'll just cry for no reason, especially at night. There seems to be no middle ground, high highs and low lows. I wonder if this is merely not getting over her, or if there may be a problem here. I'm tired of being so sad, please help me.

Dear sender,

One of the most painful things in the world is to be separated from the one you love. It may be more difficult for you to accept the separation because you fell in love with her in America and you took a risk coming as an exchange student to Korea.

But one famous Zen master said, "If you attach a little bit, you will suffer a little bit, but if you attach so much, you will suffer more and you will be crazy more." In that sense, it seems that you are too attached to your girlfriend. I would like to recommend that you not try to restore your relationship with her but to decrease your attachment to her.

One successful businessman wrote a book titled "The world is wide and there are many things you can do." I would rather tell you that "The world is wide and there are many good girls you can meet." I am sure that you can find another wonderful girl in the future if you become more mature, even though you feel a lot of loneliness at the present moment. Don't be disappointed or frustrated, and be faithful to your present life. If you can overcome this suffering successfully, many good things are waiting for you.