Love Aginst Hate

Published on March 18, 2018

Hi, Dr. Park,

I have been married for almost five years now and have decided that it's time to get much-needed marriage counseling. My wife has refused for far too long. I have tried to explain to her that it's not a bad thing and that it's not a method to put blame on anyone for anything.

Frankly, she's extremely scared to face a lot of things, and that's ok, I will be there for her. I want her to see that I want us to try counseling to help understand each other. She sees counseling as a way to "blame" others for actions. I have no intention to blame her for anything.

I love her to death, and together I want to show her that there are solutions for all problems. And that we can do it together. I love her dearly. Some information about marriage counseling would be extremely helpful. Thank you.

Dear sender,

One of the most important things in the world may be domestic harmony. So the proverb says "When one's home is harmonious, all goes well." Actually many serious problems originate from conflict between a husband and wife.

One of the most famous psychiatrists in the United States, the late Karl Menninger emphasized the importance of getting enough love from their parents for the child to grow up to be a mature person. In his book "Love against hate" he mentions "the frustration of a child." It is believed that parents love their children naturally but it is not always true.

Sometimes because of the parents' ignorance, or their own experience of lack of love, or their trauma from childhood, they couldn't give their children enough love or attention. The children will be frustrated in these cases. After these children in despair grow into a man, he will make life difficult for his wife or children.

In other words, the child grew up without getting enough love and care and rather with trauma. After he becomes an adult, he can't love his wife because she is a representative of his mother figure who made him frustrated. The wife will be disappointed again by her husband's indifference or abuse that has neither rhyme nor reason.

In the end, she hates her husband and transfers her hostility toward her children entirely. The children who couldn't get the love from their mother also hate this world. I call this process as "the link of vicious cycle."

To break out of this vicious cycle, you should persuade your wife to get marriage counseling, sincerely. If it is not possible, I would like to recommend you to visit me by yourself first.

Hi, I am soon to be a senior in high school. Ever since 8th grade constantly on and off I've been feeling very extreme ups and downs, but I have more down times than ups. My parents are finally allowing me to seek help and I just need somebody to talk to who is unbiased. Can I make an appointment? And do I need to bring my parents along with me? Or can I come by myself because I would much prefer coming alone. Thank you.

Dear sender,

People used to say that the adolescent period is the time of emotional turmoil. It means that this period is very difficult and tough time. Especially as you are going to become a high school senior, you may have a lot of stress while preparing an entrance examination to the college.

One of the most serious conflicts in the adolescent period is the one with their parents. In that sense, it will be okay to visit me by yourself first if you feel it burdensome to visit me together with your parents. I think that the adolescent period could be not only a critical period but also a period of hope and improvement. I have seen many adolescent patients improved a lot when they started to feel there is someone who can understand their heart truly.

Because of this reason, I believe you can improve sufficiently and quickly, so don't be frustrated by your present emotional symptoms too much. It will not be late that your parents visit me later. I hope you will get well soon.

Dr. Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and administers a personal therapist forum on Please submit questions to him, either in English or Korean, to, or call the hotline at (02) 563-0678. Those who have their questions selected will receive a copy of his e-book "Finding Yourself within Love" (in Korean).




Category(s):Child and/or Adolescent Issues, Family Problems, Happiness, Marital Counseling, Personality problems, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Dr.Park, Jinseng

Dr. Park studied at Pusan National University and did his Fellowship at Seoul National University Hospital.

He is a psychiatrist and specialist in marital counseling and family problems and wrote the bestseller, Lovers! Marry After You Have Fought. He also recently wrote a new book, Finding Yourself Within Love.

Moreover, he was an organizing committee member of the 16th International Congress of Psychotherapy.

He was a visiting professor at Catholic University (Meditation and Counseling) and is the current director of Director of Dr. Park's Psychiatric Clinic (Tel. 02-563-0609).

Dr. Park is a highly trained psychiatrist and brings a wealth of experience in treating various kinds of mental health issues and disorders.

Dr. Park got a certificate of appreciation from the U.S. Embassy in Seoul for his professionalism and dedication in assisting American citizens and their families for three years (2012- 2014).

Dr.Park, Jinseng belongs to Dr.Park's Psychiatric Clinic in South Korea

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