Let Us Grow Our Voice

Published on December 26, 2016

Yesterday I watched a film for the fourth time, 'I Am' by Tom Shadyac. If you've not seen it I thoroughly recommend it.

Towards the end of the film you can hear Tom narrating the following sentence, "…and yes, the moving trains today are still hunger, human rights, war and the devastation of the natural world.”

It got me thinking about my work and mission.

Over the last 12 months I have refined and revised my mission statement many, many times. Sometimes I was driven by marketing goals, others I was driven by my own desire for clarity and purpose.

There is no doubt that I will revise it again in the future, but I recently got to summarise my business mission as follows:

"Essence Coaching aims to pioneer a new dialogue on sex and sexuality to alleviate the unnecessary suffering experienced by millions."

As I heard Tom's words I thought, "how preposterous of me to think that my work is important; hunger, human rights, poverty… those are "real" issues!"

With the benefit of a night sleep and some rest, I came to a different conclusion. The fact that we don't talk about sex and relationships does not make the suffering people experience because of them less serious or less important.

From third-world countries where young girls are brutally mutilated through cliterodectomy today, to first-world countries where men and women are still penalised for embodying unique sexual identities, the suffering driven by sexual ignorance runs deep and wide and something must be done about it.

As the awareness and acceptance of this suffering are so low, the first step must be that of bringing it to light. And it is within this light that I see my work as more important than ever.

I have the huge privilege of working with courageous clients who have faced their demons and decided to do something about them. I see the positive impact in their lives when they decide to actively work on improving themselves and enhancing their life experience. This adds fuel to my fire.

You would have noticed the word ‘unnecessary’ in my mission statement and I want to close by stating why I am labelling suffering as such.

Notwithstanding those clients who have medical conditions that cause stressful relationships and sexual experiences, I have noticed that for many the suffering is primarily driven by a lack of knowledge on healthy relationships and sexuality, and a lack of intimacy, connection and communication skills.

Very few get taught this knowledge and skills in a consistent, positive and inclusive manner, but they can be learnt by anyone. When my clients acquire them, they gain the power to redesign their relationships and sex lives aligned to who they are and what they aspire to.

That is why this suffering is unnecessary, because it can be alleviated or removed with simple steps, that everyone has the potential to access and acquire.

I hope my own life circumstances allow me the space to continue this journey. The dialogue cannot just happen in my counselling room between my clients and I, the dialogue has to spread as widely and deeply as we can make it travel.

I need everyone’s help. It matters not the walk of life you come from, your age, gender, experience or income, what matters is that you have a desire to progress this dialogue and make a difference to people’s lives.

No matter what we have to offer, we can all contribute to the dialogue and it is thanks to each and every tiny contribution that one it will be big enough to be noticed and taken seriously.

Reach out, send me an email or give me a call and share whatever wild idea you may be playing with.

Let us grow our voice.


Thank you for reading my post.

I base my posts on real case studies and I regularly write about relationship, leadership and sexuality questions. If you would like to read my future posts, please join us here.

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Category(s):Marital Counseling, Men's Issues, Pre-Marital Counseling, Relationships & Marriage, Sexual Problems / Sex Therapy

Written by:

Dr Oberdan Marianetti

Dr Oberdan Marianetti is the founder of Essence Coaching, and the creator of the EssenceĀ® model.

As a qualified Psychologist and Sexologist, Oberdan has successfully helped individuals and couples revive the excitement in their relationships and sex life.

He has a keen desire to help people reconnect with their true selves - their EssenceĀ® - and form meaningful connection with others.

Whether through private consultations or public workshops, Oberdan is committed to helping each individual rediscover the power and beauty of their own sexuality in an open, safe and non-judgemental environment.

With the experience accumulated from private practice, he brings new perspectives on intimacy and sexuality through highly engaging and informative presentations and workshops on sexuality, sex and relationships."

His work has been published by the British Psychological Society and Oxford University Press; he is a regular speaker and has developed his own Leadership model (Essence Leadership), which was featured in sector-specific publications and in TED.

Dr Oberdan Marianetti belongs to Dr Oberdan Marianetti in Singapore

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