Sex and Relationships In Later Life

Published on May 27, 2016


Many people have a negative reaction to the thought of their parents having sex; usually it is a repugnant thought, maybe accompanied by disbelief. This may be obvious, but the reason you are reading this article is because your parents had sex. All being well, they are still having sex.

A widespread misconception suggests that people in later
life are not sexually active. Think again. And a study from 2010 found that 20-30% of participants were sexually active well into their 80’s.

Be comfortable in the knowledge that we can feel sexual at most stages of life. Although there is no denying that ageing causes changes that can make it difficult to enjoy romantic or sexual relationships, it should not stop you. Here, I want to list a few of the common conditions that you may be facing, as well as some recommendations that can help you maintain a healthy balance:

Physical ailments caused by arthritis, osteoporosis or chronic pain all contribute to impaired mobility, which in turn can make partner-sex difficult.

Cardiovascular conditions can impact the blood flow to your genitalia and limit functionality.

Medications (i.e. antidepressants, diabetes) can sometimes impact sexual desire and functionality.

Hormonal changes (i.e. menopause) in women can cause vaginal dryness and tightness. In men, (i.e. andropause) they can impact the ability to have or maintain an erection. In both genders they can impact desire and arousal.

Mental illness can impact the ability to have fulfilling intimate relationships and limit opportunities to be sexual.

This is only a short list, but it is important to realise that many of these conditions can be eliminated or alleviated. Unfortunately because of the taboos revolving around sex, there is little debate, knowledge or awareness about this possibility. Even in medical settings, doctors often avoid addressing sexual issues, and patients seldom ask.

Each condition is unique, and as such, it requires a unique approach. There are, however, a few suggestions that can be easily adopted and have a marked positive impact. Chief among them is my recommendation to openly speak about your concerns - a doctor, a friend, your partner or a specialist.

Your exercise routine (get one if you don’t have it) could include pelvic floor exercises. We seldom use these muscles and exercising them is known to be beneficial at many levels; it can make your pelvic area stronger and more sensitive.

Research suggests that a strong motivator for people looking for sexual gratification is to experience closeness and connectedness. Sexual connectedness is so much more than just penetrative sex and everything it implies. Explore and experiment with alternative ways to intimately connect with your partner.

Regular medical check ups are a way of loving and looking after yourself. Mens sana in corpore sano, said my fellow Latin people. Look after your mind and your body and you will hopefully be rewarded with years of fulfilling life experiences, including the sexual kinds.

I offer consultations to adults of all ages.

Category(s):Aging & Geriatric Issues, Couple Counseling, Marital Counseling, Sexual Problems / Sex Therapy

Written by:

Dr Oberdan Marianetti

Dr Oberdan Marianetti is the founder of Essence Coaching, and the creator of the EssenceĀ® model.

As a qualified Psychologist and Sexologist, Oberdan has successfully helped individuals and couples revive the excitement in their relationships and sex life.

He has a keen desire to help people reconnect with their true selves - their EssenceĀ® - and form meaningful connection with others.

Whether through private consultations or public workshops, Oberdan is committed to helping each individual rediscover the power and beauty of their own sexuality in an open, safe and non-judgemental environment.

With the experience accumulated from private practice, he brings new perspectives on intimacy and sexuality through highly engaging and informative presentations and workshops on sexuality, sex and relationships."

His work has been published by the British Psychological Society and Oxford University Press; he is a regular speaker and has developed his own Leadership model (Essence Leadership), which was featured in sector-specific publications and in TED.

Dr Oberdan Marianetti belongs to Dr Oberdan Marianetti in Singapore

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