Understanding Relationships: Why is Sustaining Them a Task?

Published on May 27, 2024

When partners have tunnel vision in their lives, focusing all their energies on certain endeavors, they tend to lose sight of their partner and the relationship. These partners feel disconnected and end up disappointed in their relationship.

A relationship can’t survive, never mind flourish, in disregard and abandonment. When our lives are full of To-Dos, chores, demands, busyness, obsessions, and addictions, and are fairly plainly centered on one or more specific endeavors (work, ventures, children, etc.), we create a negative setting for our organization, an ocean of grime for it to suffocate in.



When our partner falls low on our priority list, is essentially not taken into consideration in our day-to-day comings and goings, or is fair there since they are anticipated to make our life less demanding, we have misplaced sight of a key individual in our life and a key figure in our bliss and satisfaction. Life tends to interfere with our relationship if we let it. We get so absorbed in what we are doing that we fall flat to appropriately go to our partner and relationship.

Why is relationship counselling important?

The longer we stay in this ocean of obscurity, the harder it is to discover our way back to the shining shore. I have seen this happen all too frequently. Partners share how they tried to work hard to secure their future together, but lost each other on the method. A few were so aimed at their way that they got in each other’s way, and however, others just went down distinctive ways and realized it when it was too late! When these couples come in for counseling, they are so disengaged, harmed, disappointed, baffled, and angry, that a lot of our beginning work must have to do with fixing this mess! We need to rescue the couple from the depths of darkness and the grip of death.

To prevent this gloomy scenario from becoming a reality in their relationship, partners need to make a cognizant effort to avoid taking the relationship and their partner for granted. Relationship counselling is a well-researched field that can assist with your concerns.

They have to be mindful of when schedules become too hectic when they are hurrying around and are not present, and when they are consumed with other needs and are ignoring and abandoning their partner, and take a minute to sustain the relationship and contribute to it with their partner.

Relationship empowering factors

The binding factors for a relationship could be: emotions like love, affection, gratitude, etc.; needs like support, money, fun, survival instincts, etc., ideology, birds of the same feathers, passion, blood, and many other aspects. 

Any relationship that emerges out of need will be short-lived until such a need exists. The bonding based on ideology and passion can be long-lasting if both parties hold to such an ideology and sustain the passion that once triggered the relationship.

The togetherness and support due to the same blood and the same feathers often create stronger and longer relationships in mankind. This may be due to fundamental trust and support aspects.

Relationships built on survival instincts survive until one becomes self-sufficient or self-resilient. An emotion that is the by-product of the above binding factors—human qualities and behaviors often creates a strong bond that may survive all odds, and even break stronger relationships. Relationship counseling can help empower both parties too!

Why do they break?

Any relationship is like growing a plant. It only grows bigger if we have good seeds, and soil and when we constantly supply water, compost, and light. Anytime any of these are abandoned, they will dry out without any obligation for previous efforts. Likewise, one needs to nurture relationships with all necessary ingredients.

People who don’t have the wisdom of relationships expect/demand the sustenance of relationships and only get misery in return. While emotions pose a potential threat to relationships, good human qualities and behaviors can come to the rescue.

People with less wisdom and spirituality may find it difficult to sustain relationships in the long term.  

While ego, anger, and selfishness are the top relationship breakers, positive qualities like empathy, kindness, forgiveness, etc. are the top patch-up agents.

Some points to take into consideration;-

  1. People who can’t forgive will have the least number of running relationships and only a couple of stronger and long-term ones.
  2. Emotional people are easily influenced and often make or break relationships quickly.
  3. Relationships based on gratitude will be long lasting though they can be light or moderate in strength.
  4. Empathy is key to keeping relationships healthy
  5. Relationships with self-centric, brutally ambitious, and greedy people will be short-lived and often end in anger or frustration.
  6. Overshadowing emotions in a positive direction will help surviving relationships. Ex., love overshadowing bad behavior, Affection overshadowing losses, etc.
  7. A strong emotion will suppress your wisdom, create a bias towards others, and often create a stronger bond.

Weak or stronger bonding:

Emotionally sensitive people will have stronger bonds and it will often be a roller coaster ride until such strong emotions linger.

People with moderate emotions and practical wisdom will be most successful in creating long-lasting relationships.

People with lighter emotions and good wisdom often detach themselves from these relationships. They will be happy with almost everyone, and depending on the other side, the duration will be determined.

Tips for sustaining a healthy relationship

Empathy: Understand the person, share their feelings, and think from their perspective

  1. Be kind and forgive for undue behaviors. Provide another chance.
  2. Be calm, think of the missing binding factors, and try to create alternatives
  3. Respect and give more importance to relationships that are essential to be sustained for longer terms
  4. Change undue expectations by accepting the other’s capabilities and setting reasonable and workable expectations
  5. Seek suggestions from a wise relationship counsellor.

What makes us happy in relationships?

While our needs, emotions, and behaviors are dynamic, relationships often get into the risky zone. Human qualities like kindness, empathy, forgiveness, or patience often come to the rescue.

It’s not the quantity of our relationships that can bring happiness but the quality of these relationships. Understanding our emotions and prioritizing our relationships will keep us happy and peaceful. Choosing the right relationships wisely in this world of busy bees is essential to staying blissful.

However, the probability of a well-sustained and healthy relationship depends on our ability to make efforts, take guidance, and listen.

“Perfect relationships are not found but built.”

Category(s):Couple Counseling, Marital Counseling, Pre-Marital Counseling, Relationships & Marriage, Sexual Problems / Sex Therapy

Written by:

Saumya Das

I'm Saumya Das, and I've provided medical care to patients for over 7 years. My expertise as a psychologist includes online counseling for marriage or more. Visit our website: www.betterlyf.com.