The first thing I noticed about Tom was his large frame and piercing eyes. He had come to call me on my mobile phone a few hours ago. And now, we were in a hotel, drinking coffee, and eventually past the pleasantries.
He reached for the marrow of his purpose for meeting me. “I need help for managing my wife,” he said. “She cannot agree any longer that she remain my wife while I keep the other woman for the sake of the children and peace at home.” He fell silent for awhile. “Why can’t she accept that?” he asked.
Date Posted: May 2, 2013
Categories: Addictions, Attachment Issues, Infidelity
Healing can happen only in a climate of openness and truth.
This is the tragedy of Mina. Mina was caught in adultery, one which traumatized her husband. Her need to deny or "stonewall" her wrongdoing prevented her personal, marital, and family healing. What's her primary wound? I believe it's not so much the affair as it is her insistence on her own innocence with the resulting cover-up. Hers is a poignant illustration of the life-damaging consequences of being unable to say, "I was wrong."
Date Posted: April 22, 2013
Categories: Addictions, Attachment Issues, Couple Counseling
I would like to offer my observations and recommendations based on my work in Singapore between 2005 and 2011 in the field of addictions. To summarize:
I just finished reading a superb article by Timothy Sim on family therapy in Singapore1. He captures it all. It brought me back to many issues I struggled with while working in Singapore. As an addiction specialist practicing in Singapore for nearly six years (2005-2011), I had personally handled nearly 80 cases in addition to supervising hundreds of cases by other therapists. I expected to involve the entire family when working with a person suffering from an addictive disease. Note, I said “expected” since for a variety of reasons, it was almost impossible to work with families during my stay in Singapore. The counselors I supervised did little better, in fact, probably worse.
Date Posted: January 10, 2013
Categories: Addictions, Compulsive Spending / Shopping, Drug Addiction, Eating Disorders, Family Problems, Gambling Addiction, Love addiction
What is our risk of developing a mental illness over the course of our entire lives and which types of mental illnesses are we most likely to develop? These questions are not just academic in nature because the answers are of great practical importance to all of us. We need this information if we are to be prepared for its occurrence, or even prevent it from occurring. The fact is that most of us are quite likely to go through life without ever thinking about mental illness until it occurs in a family member, a friend, or ourselves. In this event we may react with surprise, shock and perhaps even anger. To be forewarned it to be forearmed.
Date Posted: March 13, 2012
Categories: Addictions, Inattention, Impulsivity, & Hyperactivity (ADHD), Mood Swings / Bipolar
This brief article is meant for counselors, family members, and those suffering from addictions. By addictions, I mean both behavioral, such as gambling, and substance abuse, such as alcohol and drugs. I will only consider three areas of addiction treatment, as I consider these three crucial to favorable outcomes.
As an American Addiction Specialist since 1979, I have worked in Singapore in that capacity for the better part of 5 years between 2005 and 2011. Prior to full time work there, I presented several addiction workshops in Singapore between 1998 and 2001. I was employed by both the National Institute of Mental Health (IMH) in their National Addictions Management Services (NAMS) as their Principal Therapist, and with WE CARE Community Services, a Voluntary Welfare Organization (VWO), as their Program Director. (At that time NAMS was known as Community Addictions Management Program (CAMP).
Date Posted: January 13, 2012
Categories: Addictions, Drug Addiction, Gambling Addiction