Some of us may sneer at the idea of happily ever after but it turns out that such a happy ending may not be impossible after all, if one takes care not to commit these things in a marriage. Professor John Gottman here analyses the factors that will often culminate in a divorce.
1. Criticism – All of us complain, but beware of a particular type of corrosive criticism that will destroy the relationship. Corrosive criticism occurs when one criticises the other’s core being and personality and these critics have the idea that the other person is bad or wrong beyond their mere actions.
2. Contempt – Contempt, often illustrated as sarcasm, name-calling, mimicking and eye-rolling often results in the other person feeling unvalued and worthless, thus earning itself one of the top spots in the destruction of marriage.
3. Defensiveness – The consistent attempt to justify one’s failures and mistakes can often open up a can of worms that will eat away the love in the marriage. Marriage is a partnership and the lack of support coupled with both partners attempting to score points off each other may ultimately result in the failure of marriage.
4. Stonewalling – When there is an absence of care, empathy and connection in a relationship, it seems as though one partner has metaphorically cut off connection. This resembles the idea of talking to a brick wall and is often driven by a prolonged period of criticism, contempt and defensiveness. Such lack of communication will ultimately worsen the relationship and ensured its eventual demise.
With all that is being said, it seems that ever-lasting love resembles a tiny bird, that both parties need to cradle gently in their hands and preserve. It takes a lot to have a happy ending, but till death do us part certainly needs some maintenance and effort from both sides!
Category(s):Mental Health in Asia
Source material from Psyblog
