4 Ways to Validate Yourself

Posted on July 12, 2016

Why self-validation? Because there’s no guarantee you’ll find it anywhere else.
According to former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich, “the notion that you’re paid what you’re ‘worth’ is by now so deeply ingrained in the public consciousness that many who earn very little assume it’s their own fault. They feel ashamed of what they see as a personal failure — a lack of brains or a deficiency of character.”
When you learn to self-validate, you become a part of your own support system. You begin to manage yourself without having to rely on external evaluations.

1. Accept your feelings without judgment.

When you’re frustrated and angry about something not going your way, take a step back and avoid judging yourself for those feelings. Sit with your emotions without reacting to them. Don’t tell yourself how you should feel. Accept how you do feel in the moment because you always have a right to feel. Comfort yourself the way a concerned and compassionate parent would.

2. Don’t let your frustration feed into shame.

Often when you feel down you become part of a shame spiral: “I’m a failure. This always happens. I don’t know why I try. I’m bound to lose. I set myself up for it.” But this is simply beating yourself up. This only leads to depression, perfectionism, and a discounting of all your successes.

3. Know your strengths.

Maybe you’re not sure what they are — especially if you’re feeling unsure of your skills at the moment. The VIA Institute on Character has a free survey on their website that ranks your character strengths including humor, curiosity, bravery, social intelligence, and leadership.

Research shows that when you use your strengths it boosts self-esteem and mitigates stress. Not only can it help you guide your career into a more fulfilling direction, it can help you embrace the real you — the you that is invaluable, the you that no one can put a price-tag on.

4. Practice positive self-talk.

Think of at least one thing about yourself that you’re proud of. It can be one of your strengths, something you accomplished in college, something you helped someone else do, whatever. Show yourself gratitude, instead of glossing over everything you’ve done right. You’re an accomplished and resilient person.


Category(s):Emotional Intelligence, Self-Care / Self Compassion

Source material from PsychCentral


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