Getting through the holidays after a break-up

Posted on December 19, 2015

Photo source: Flickr

It’s amazing how much loneliness and loss can hurt. The hurt can be so intense, it’s almost physical. And nothing will trigger it more than feeling alone when everyone around you appears happy and together. The whole zeitgeist of the holidays is about happy families. It’s everywhere and unless you live off grid in a cabin in the woods, you can’t escape it. So what do you do? Do you try to do the normal things you would do every year during the holidays when you were together, or do you hunker down and hibernate till January? You do a bit of both.

If you’re invited to parties with friends who are in couples, it can be hard to be the only one alone. Bring a friend or family member with whom you can chat. Warn your host in advance that you may duck out early without saying goodbye if you can’t cope and need to make a speedy retreat. You may have a struggle at the party, particularly if you are meeting new people and expected to talk about your life, but you may also have a bit of fun. But even if it’s difficult, you can be proud of yourself that you went. Let’s face it, your life isn’t over!

On the other hand, you may want to just ride out the season keeping busy doing things that help pass the time. Movies are good for that and even going alone to a movie, once you get used to it, can be a good distraction. Connecting with Mother Nature is a great way to soothe your soul. Walk by a lake, visit the beach (even up north in winter), or go to the park. Look at the sky and trees and remember that you won’t always feel this badly.

For some people the hardest part is Christmas day itself. Last year, perhaps, you were all together. This year, someone is missing. Do you follow the same traditions or avoid them (e.g. go to a restaurant for Christmas dinner instead of the traditional ham at home)? Either way, don’t agonize about it. This year will be hard – there’s no way around you – but the important thing is your state of mind. Although you may be intensely sad or angry, you need to promise yourself that you will keep working towards healing, doing whatever you can that you know is good for you.

It won’t always be this bad. Take care of yourself in this season and one day, you’ll wake up feeling better.


Category(s):Relationships & Marriage

Source material from Psychology Today