Accept the Influence of Your Partner for a Happy Relationship

Posted on June 4, 2015

Did you know that only 31% of a couple’s major areas of continuing disagreements are about resolvable issues? The other 69% of the time, couple’s conflict will be invested in unresolvable perpetual problems. This was one of the findings of a 35 year longitudinal study of 677 couples conducted by Dr John Gottman.

Is it any wonder then, when describing their attempts to communicate with their partner, a person might liken the experience to ‘speaking to a brick wall’? When a couple fails to resolve an issue so that they repeatedly visit the same conflict (up to 69% of the time), the temptation is to resort to negative coping strategies like stonewalling, the refusal to answer or cooperate. In fact, whilst stonewalling is not entirely territory owned by men, the research tells us that 85% of males tend to use stonewalling as a means of staying safe in conflict.

One of the important keys for a healthy relationship is the ability to accept the influence of your partner.

In practice, this principle is generally more difficult for men than it is for women who tend to accept a partner’s influence at higher rates. Men are less likely to accept their partner’s influence, choosing instead to emotionally disengage or escalating the conflict using belligerence, contempt or defensiveness. All of these behaviours serve to shut down a partner’s complaint and reinforce gridlock.

Accepting your partner’s influence can be the difference between having a conversation where a conclusion is reached without feeling attacked, criticised or resentful, as opposed to an argument that reinforces our differences and creates a sense of hopelessness around the problems in your relationship.

So what does this look like in a conversation? Accepting influence can be as simple as saying “Good point,” or “I see.” Giving the respect of acknowledging your partner’s opinion is the beginning of negotiation. Accepting influence is about finding common ground for agreement.

To read the full article, click on the link below.


Category(s):Relationships & Marriage

Source material from Watersedge Counselling


Mental Health News

  • Solitude versus Loneliness

    newsthumbBeing alone should not be misunderstood for loneliness. Being alone does not necessarily mean one is lonely in fact, having some alone time is ...

  • Understanding a Controlling Partner

    newsthumbOne of the reasons why relationships fail or get torn apart, is due to the constant struggle for control between couples. This article talks about ...

  • Men and Body Image

    newsthumbBody image is one of the common issues people face. It is often talked about in relation to women and their insecurities. However, what we tend to ...