The compassionate part of grief

Published on February 26, 2020

Grief and Loss

When Zoie lost her mom, she felt a deep void inside of her.  She struggled to get out of bed in the morning.  Her mother had been the one that she could always turn, too, when she was fighting or stressed.  She couldn’t imagine holidays and significant events without her.  At work, she felt confused, and her brain seemed to be working slower than usual.  What was the point anyway?  She was struggling to find meaning in life.

Zoie’s husband tried to comfort her, but he wasn’t sure what to say or what to do.  It seemed that while Zoie was grieving, he couldn’t get anything right.  This led to more conflict.  The arguments sent Zoie into more profound emptiness.

Upon reflection, Zoie realised that she was pushing people away because she was afraid that if she lost another person, she wouldn’t be able to handle it.  This fear of connection and vulnerability left her feeling lonelier than ever.  She remembered that the thing she loved most about her mother was her mother’s high empathy, warmth and compassion.  Zoie never had the chance to tell her mother how much she appreciated her.  She desperately hoped that her mother knew that she loved her.

From that day forward, Zoie decided that she would tell her loved ones how much they meant to her.  She knew that she could not leave others wondering if she valued them.  She began to resolve her conflicts in a way that was respectful and empathetic.  Whenever she said goodbye to someone she cared for, she wanted to make sure that they parted on good terms.  Her mother’s sudden death had taught her that you never know when it will be the last time that you will see someone.  This new awareness was both scary and beautiful.  She began to appreciate kind gestures more; she noticed when people offered small gifts of kindness such as opening the door, saying hello, and when people smiled at her.  The world seemed to be a gentler place than she had once realised.

Compassion

When tragedy strikes, we might view the world as cruel.  If we look a little closer, we can see that behind every cruelty is a sea of compassion.  People feel good when they help others; there are more people out there that want to help you rather than hurt you.  The human connection enables us to feel seen, heard and wanted.  When we lose that connection, we ache deep into our souls, and we yearn for that person back.  We can take that deep connection and apply it to others in life, our relationships thrive, and we find purpose again.

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Don’t be afraid to ask for help, most people will need some guidance or support in their life. To make an appointment with me please contact +852 2521 4668 or email m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Photo by Khadeeja Yasser on Unsplash


Category(s):Depression, Divorce / Divorce Adjustment, Grief, Loss, Bereavement, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at info@doctormonicaborschel.com or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668