Psychology Articles > Self-Doubt

I Don't know who I am unless people tell me who I am.

Published on August 5, 2019

I don’t know who I am unless people tell me who I am

We live in a world with instant validation or instant invalidation, thanks to social media.  If we compare ourselves to what we see on social media, we might feel bad about ourselves or our own lives.  The key here is to remember that people only post what they want you to see or believe online.  This creates a false reality. False realities can be damaging to self-worth.  In the real world, we get feedback based on our environment.  If we wear something socially unacceptable, we get dirty looks.  If we say something socially unacceptable, we also feel the consequences.  So how do you figure yourself out when society, religion, culture, social media and your family tell you how to be?

Values

Firstly, what are your core values?  Here are few values that you might want to think about:

  • Authenticity
  • Autonomy
  • Balance
  • Compassion
  • Competency
  • Determination
  • Fairness
  • Growth
  • Honesty
  • Inner Harmony
  • Learning
  • Self-Respect
  • Spirituality
  • Trustworthiness

James Clear provides a great list of common core values if you are unsure.

Boundaries

What are you doing to please others even if it makes you uncomfortable?  Setting boundaries helps you to accomplish goals and be an authentic person.  When you are afraid to say no to others, you might end up leading a life that others want you to live.  This can lead to resentment.

What makes you feel alive?

What energises you?  What drains your energy?  If something is draining your energy, set a boundary.  Focus more on what excites you.

Develop your own style

Buy clothes based on what makes you feel good, not what the trend dictates.

Connect to yourself

When you understand your own beliefs, feelings and needs, you can become more authentic.  Make a list of what you will and will not tolerate.  Part of that list should include not tolerating abuse or control from others.

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If you are feeling lost or confused about your identity, please do seek professional help.  To make an appointment with Dr Borschel call +852 2521 4668 or email m.borschel@mindnlife.com

Photo by ROBIN WORRALL on Unsplash


Category(s):Self-Care / Self Compassion, Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem

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Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Welcome! My passion is to help you find inner peace and emotional comfort within yourself and your relationships.

As social creatures, our relationships significantly shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced relationship-related traumas, which can leave us with emotional scars that require recovery.

Attachment traumas, such as divorce, break-ups, infidelity, neglect, and abuse, can be challenging. As an expert in attachment, loss, and trauma, I have spent many years studying how attachment styles can shift with loss and trauma.

I have seen how healthy relationships can lead to secure attachment and how insecure attachment can create turmoil in our lives. I aim to guide you toward cultivating healthy relationships with yourself, your children, your co-parent, and your romantic partner.

I can help you develop new attachment strategies that will allow you to form deeper connections and bonds with those around you. And, if you have children, I can also assist you in establishing secure attachments with both parents, which can be especially helpful in cases of separation or divorce.

I am originally from Salt Lake City, Utah, where I completed my Bachelor of Science in Psychology at The University of Utah. From there, I moved to New York City, earning my Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. I then pursued my Doctorate in Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong. I lived and worked in Hong Kong as a practicing Clinical Psychologist from 2010-2020. I reside in California and am pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology (PsyD) at California Southern University. My training and qualifications include certifications in Brainspotting and High Conflict Coaching.

These tools, combined with my extensive knowledge and experience in the field, enable me to offer you the guidance and support you need to recover from past traumas and build healthy relationships.

My approach to therapy is empathetic, supportive, and tailored to your unique needs. Every person can grow, and thrive. I am committed to helping you achieve your goals. So, whether you are struggling with relationship issues, divorce, abuse, attachment traumas, or other challenges, I am here to help you find the peace and comfort you deserve.

Email me at info@doctormonicaborschel.com or call the MindnLife Clinic at 852 2521 4668


Other Articles By Dr Monica Borschel

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