How To Deal With Feeling Unwanted And Unloved

Published on March 19, 2019

Have you ever experienced abandonment in your life? Before you come to know how deep the wounds of being “second best” or “not worthy” runs inside you. Are you aware of how feeling unwanted has changed the person who you are and the way you interact with others?

We are living in a world which can be best described as the Individualist Era. When our ability to communicate empathetically and meaningfully with others breaks down as a result of our I or Me First materialist and corporate culture, we see that our families, friendships and relationships appears unstable as ever. Therefore, many amongst us are experiencing the isolation of being abandoned, unwanted, unloved and forgotten.

What we can do to analyze and heal these core wounds? How can we bring down the brick walls that shelter the tattered residues of our hearts? And finally, how can we become a stronger, more complete person again?

In this article Psychologist and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares tips to deal with feeling unwanted and unloved.

Most People Do Not Want Themselves

In simpler words, most people do not like, respect, or even value themselves. There is a big self-love shortfall in our society which is visible in every layer of our lives. As a result, those amongst us who struggle with loving ourselves tend to damage our relationships with others. How could a person who does not know how to love themselves display love towards others? That would not happen. Understanding this can help you to better relate with others, or at the very least, understand why they behave the way they do.

You Are A Victim Of A Situation But You Do Not Have To Let Down Yourself

People generally, realize this the hard way, the more you exploit yourself and romanticize your pain, the more you will stay stranded in cycles of misery and resentment. It is tempting to use your stories of abandonment and mistreatment to make you secretly feel correct and special, but the reality is that this does more harm than good. Mourning what we lost is a natural part of the grief cycle, but continuously revisiting and dwelling on your stories is unhealthy and even self-damaging. You will find that accepting what happened is important to the process of inner growth and complete change, without letting down yourself.

Everyone Has A Separate Soulful Capacity

Just like everything in life goes through various stages of maturation, so does the soul. You might have heard that some people are born with old souls, and others remain young at heart until death? The answer lies in something is called as soulful maturity. Soulful maturity decides how much ability we have for forethought, empathy, compassion and unconditional love and all these factors have an impact on the way we treat others. For instance, some people are pack-orientated and blinded by fear of the other. While other groups of people are accepting, open and peace-making.

So, what does any of this have to do with feeling unwanted or unloved? Well, the thing is that some people simply do not have the capacity to be genuinely kind, considerate and loyal, at least for time being. They have not reached that destination in their soulful maturing yet. Thus, their behavior can come across as insensitive, cruel and reckless.

Realizing that everyone has a different soulful capacity can help you become a more lenient and forgiving person.

It Is Possible To Fill That Empty Gap Yourself

It sounds impossible, right? How could you fill the empty gaps within yourselves? Don’t you need other people by default to do that for you? No, you don’t. As kids we did, but as adults, we do not. Sadly, many of us still believe that we need to find another person to help us become complete. But have you ever asked the validity or truth in this belief? Yes, its true other people can provide you with immense support and assistance, but they can never genuinely fill that void within you. Only you can do this


Category(s):Depression, Marital Counseling, Positive Psychology, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Shivani Misri Sadhoo is of Delhi's eminent Psychologist, Relationship expert and marriage counselor and works with India 's top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain


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