Finding your confidence after abuse

Published on June 21, 2018

If you have been abused as a child or as an adult, you might feel worthless.  If as a child you underwent neglect, rejection or abuse from your parents, confidence might be harder to find.  A child who has experienced verbal abuse and neglect will begin to believe that they are worthless and horrible.  The damage from abuse might take years to undo, here are some pointers to set you in the right direction.

1. Don't judge yourself or others. When you judge other people, you also judge yourself.  If you change your mindset to acceptance of others, you also learn how to accept yourself.  This takes patience and practice as it is human nature to judge.

2. Speak kindly to yourself. Notice when you are abusing yourself and rephrase.  For example, "I'm an idiot," becomes, "I am capable of fixing that mistake.  I can handle this."  Speak to yourself like you would speak to someone that you respect and admire.

3. Understand the abuse has nothing to do with you. When you are abused, you might begin to believe that you deserved it, or that you are worthless.  Understand that people who are happy and comfortable with themselves do not abuse others.  Abusers tend to be people who are hurting deeply and want to control by devaluing others.  Break the cycle of abuse by healing your emotional wounds and treating yourself and others with respect and compassion.

4. Set boundaries.  Learn how to communicate and put your needs before the needs of others.  Don't allow people to violate or own your physical or psychological space.

5. Explore your fears and insecurities.  When we have been abused, we might have more fear of rejection and failure than others.  Be brave enough to look at your insecurities and ask if they are preventing you from reaching your potential.  Some fear is a liar.  You are not worthless, and you can accomplish goals.

6. Set goals and accomplish them: Push through your self-doubt and set manageable goals for yourself.  As you reach your goals, you become more confident.  Believe in yourself and tell yourself you can handle it.

7. Reach out for support: Speak to those who support you or reach out for professional help.  The effects of abuse can be unconscious and hard to detect.

 

Dr Monica Borschel is a US-trained Clinical Psychologist

Reach out to Dr Borschel: m.borschel@mindnlife.com for an individual or skype session.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmonicaborschel


Category(s):Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Aggression & Violence, Mental Health in Asia, Self-Care / Self Compassion, Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem

Written by:

Dr Monica Borschel

Dr. Borschel specializes in Attachment and Loss. She is experienced in helping adults, teens, children, and families adjust to divorce, separation, loss of a loved one, and loss of finance. She also specializes in reducing or resolving conflict in divorce, marriage and in the workplace. This may include deciding what is in the best interest of the children during custody disputes, strengthening the relationship and communication between the parents and the children.

Dr. Borschel uses play therapy for children with behavioral problems and enables parents to create a safe and stress-free environment at home. Dr. Borschel’s attachment-based therapy, personality and identity theory, positive psychology, and guided meditative practices enable her teenage and adult clients to find healing within themselves. In so doing, she can help adults, teens, and children to overcome neglect, emotional abuse, and child abuse.

Furthermore, as an attachment specialist, she also helps individuals understand relationship patterns which prevent them from developing or maintaining healthy relationships. She uses mindfulness practices and positive psychology to reduce anxiety, insomnia, depression and promote confidence and self-esteem. She helps adults, teens, and children overcome neglect, emotional abuse, and child abuse that happened in the past or is happening in the present.

Dr Monica Borschel belongs to Dr. Monica Borschel in Hong Kong

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