First Steps In Infidelity Treatment

Published on June 7, 2014

When I saw Tonton, he was severely hurt, depressed, and breaking down. He was in much tears. He just caught his wife cheating again over the internet and seeing the OP (other person).

Along the way, he was able to check reality and acknowledge to himself that his wife remained unrepentant of her affair. Her behavior showed she would not give up her "lover" to heal their marriage.

We do all have much in common, regardless of nationality, skin color, or status in life.  Our humanity. Same need, same longings, same wounds. In our session, Tonton wondered, "What now?  Should I stay or leave the marriage?" Predictable, expected  concerns.

Tonton was overwhelmed and confused. He was in a state of shock. It's not a surprise that he'd have intense wounded feelings. They are normal. When he thought of a future without the one he loves so much, it didn't seem worth living to him.

A basic step in Tonton's personal healing is self-care. He needs to stay alive! And at an early stage of the trauma, he would have to take emergency or immediate steps outside of his wife to protect and care for his heart. He faces the challenge of starting, sustaining, and completing his personal recovery process.

The process includes steps or stages such as: shock, denial, bargaining, depression, anger, forgiveness, acceptance, hope, and joy. Of course, Tonton doesn't have to worry about the concluding steps of his whole recovery process. He just needs to concentrate on where he is at this specific moment of time in his journey.

In regard to Tonton's marital healing, repentance or remorse on the part of his unfaithful wife is a first step. His wife needs to be willing to totally give up her relationship with the OP. As he does his own part to get his healing, Tonton can only do so much and hope for the best response from his wife to choose to heal her self and their marriage.

Marital healing is two-way. It takes two to dance. In cases of infidelity, a foundational step is total abstinence from the OP, the "addictive agent," before the unresolved issues and pains of the marriage can be properly processed.

Otherwise, the chances of marital healing is virtually non-existent or so slim to say the least with the ongoing influence of "poison" (OP) striking at the very core of the marital relationship.


Category(s):Addictions, Ending a relationship issues, Relationships & Marriage

Written by:

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist

Dr. Angelo Subida is a clinical psychotherapist, author, and speaker. He is author of books "Inner Healing," "Secrets Of Your Self," "Chess and Life," among others, blogs, and articles. He has appeared frequently as an expert on psychotherapy/life recovery issues on national television, radio broadcasts, print media, and webcasts, including GMA 7, TV 5, ABS CBN 2, Q-11, 700 Club, Radyo Veritas, Inquirer Radio, Smart Parenting Magazine, Business Mirror, among others, and has served as resident therapist/counselor for parents and kid-artists in the highly popular ABS-CBN 2 Voice Kids TV singing reality show. Dr. Subida is an eclectic, multidisciplinary therapist and originator of his own revolutionary high-tech, high-touch counseling plus model. His areas of specialization include parent-child therapy, clinical infidelity treatment, relationship/marital counseling, separation/divorce therapy, anger management, depression, addictions, psychotherapy-spirituality integration, and innovative chess therapy. For more of Dr. Subida, you can find him at www.drsubida.com.

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist belongs to Dr. Angelo Subida Psychotherapy Clinic in Philippines

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