A First Step In Healing From Affairs

Published on January 8, 2014

When I saw Tonton, a British doing business in the Philippines, he was severely hurt and depressed. He was in much tears. He had caught his wife cheating again over the internet and seeing the OP (other person). Along the way, he had somehow able to acknowledge to himself that his wife remained unrepentant of her adultery and would not give up her "lover" to heal their marriage.

We do all have much in common, regardless of nationality, skin color, or status in life.  Our humanity. Same need, same longings, same wounds. In our session, Tonton wondered, "What now?  Should I stay or leave the marriage?" Predictable, expected  concerns. Tonton was confused. He was in a state of shock. It's not a surprise that he'd have intense feelings. They are normal. When he thought of a future without the one he loved so much, it didn't seem worth living to him.

The first step in Tonton's PERSONAL HEALING is SELF-CARE. He needs to stay alive! And at an early stage of the trauma, he would have to take emergency or immediate steps. He faces the challenge of starting and completing his personal grieving and therapy process. The process includes steps or stages as follows: shock, denial, bargaining, depression, anger, forgiveness, acceptance, hope, and joy. Of course, Tonton doesn't have to worry about the concluding steps of the whole process. He just needs to concentrate on where he is today.

The first step in Tonton's MARITAL HEALING is REPENTANCE on the part of his infidel wife. As he does his own part to get his healing, Tonton can only do so much and hope for the best response from his wife to choose to heal their marriage. Marital healing is two-way. It takes two to dance. In cases of infidelity, a foundational step is total abstinence from the OP, the "addictive agent," before the unresolved issues and pains of the marriage can be properly processed. Otherwise, the chances of marital healing is virtually non-existent or so slim to say the least with the ongoing influence of "poison" (OP) striking at the very core of the marriage.


Category(s):Abuse / Abuse Survivor Issues, Addictions, Infidelity

Written by:

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist

Dr. Angelo Subida is a clinical psychotherapist, author, and speaker. He is author of books "Inner Healing," "Secrets Of Your Self," "Chess and Life," among others, blogs, and articles. He has appeared frequently as an expert on psychotherapy/life recovery issues on national television, radio broadcasts, print media, and webcasts, including GMA 7, TV 5, ABS CBN 2, Q-11, 700 Club, Radyo Veritas, Inquirer Radio, Smart Parenting Magazine, Business Mirror, among others, and has served as resident therapist/counselor for parents and kid-artists in the highly popular ABS-CBN 2 Voice Kids TV singing reality show. Dr. Subida is an eclectic, multidisciplinary therapist and originator of his own revolutionary high-tech, high-touch counseling plus model. His areas of specialization include parent-child therapy, clinical infidelity treatment, relationship/marital counseling, separation/divorce therapy, anger management, depression, addictions, psychotherapy-spirituality integration, and innovative chess therapy. For more of Dr. Subida, you can find him at www.drsubida.com.

Dr. Angelo Subida, Psychotherapist belongs to Dr. Angelo Subida Psychotherapy Clinic in Philippines

Mental Health News